The best jokes (15676 to 15690)

Passing an office building lat

Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that read, "Press bell for night watchman."
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself."

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he'd become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any magazines. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.
The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and towels, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell, and hit his back against the hard porcelain of the tub.
Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and, with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax. Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"

“I want to be a ceili

“I want to be a ceiling fan. You can see the whirled without leaving the house.”

“The organic herb far

“The organic herb farmer was accused of dilly dallying around by his wife Rosemary, when he spent too much thyme trying to become a sage.”

Surprisingly good at tennis is Eddie Vedder, but Roger is even Federer.

#joke #short #sport #tennis

Cannibals just e-man-a

Cannibals just e-man-ate something unusual.

“My wild cat ran away

“My wild cat ran away last week. I put up posters in our neighborhood so that others can help me find the missing lynx.”

 Knock Knock Collection 199

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yoga!
Yoga who?
Yoga what it takes!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yogi bear!
Yogi bear who?
Yogi bear and you'll get arrested!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yolanda!
Yolanda who?
Yolanda me some money!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
You!
You who?
Did you call?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yucatan!
Yucatan who?
Yucatan fool some people all of the time...!

Give her a diamond after a fig

Give her a diamond after a fight. It's the best piece of a ring.

The Turkey That Got Away

I moved to Mexico to become an

I moved to Mexico to become an egg. It's my new religion. I'm a Yo Huevos Witness.

“A croquette is a fli

“A croquette is a flirtatious female frog.”

“When Darth Vader tur

“When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit.”

Loaned out your sports car? Wh

Loaned out your sports car? What turbo you lent times are these!

“I spent a summer wor

“I spent a summer working on a rabbit farm. It was a hare raising experience.”