The best jokes (15976 to 15990)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15976 to 15990. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Doing Cartwheel
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling,“Mommy, I got five dollars!”
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, “Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.”
The mother told her daughter, “Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties.”
“OOOOhhhh” said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling,
“Mommy, I got ten dollars.”
The mother asked, “Where did you get the ten dollars from?”
The little girl replied, “Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree.”
The mother replied, “Didn't I tell you that he is…”
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said,
“It's ok Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.”
Real Saddam Please stand up!
This is parody of eminem's song "Will the real Slim Shady plz stand up!" the saddam hussein version.May I have your attention please?
Infidels,
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Saddam please stand up?
I repeat! Will the real Saddam please stand up?
We gonna have a problem here...
You all act like you've never seen a dictator before
Jaws all on the floor
Like Hitler and Stalin just walked in the door
I started terrorizing years before the 1st gulf war,
Now I plan to even the score
I've got so many body doubles, Its True! No Kidding!
I don't go to the streets. They All do my bidding.
And Chemical Ali said...
Nothin you Idiots, Chem Ali's dead. I'll find a replacement.
Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But it's no worse than what's going on in the U.S war room
Sometimes I wanna go on Al Jazeera and let loose, but can't
But it's OK for the U.S to destory my statues.
Osama's down with this. Osama's down with that.
And if he's lucky he might get weapons from Iraq.
And thats the reason why my regime got attacked.
If I react with chemicals, I'll sure get jacked!
Of course you're gonna bomb me and my forces
By the time you fly warplanes
I'll be in Tikrit sippin' on champagne.
And when you miss me, please don't start to complain.
You've got so many soldiers tearing up my terrain.
I am like cockroach cuz you can't kill me.
The guy you're bombing now isn't the real me.
My information minister goes on TV,
So he can say I wasn't found in the debris.
And there's a million of us just like me
Who dress like me, walk, talk, oppress like me
Mustache like me, a big piece of trash like me
And just might be a piece of sh*t, but not quite me!
I'm Saddam. Yes, I'm the real Saddam.
All you other Saddams can all kiss my bottom.
So won't the real Saddam please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?
Scary Collection 31
A vampire joke
What's a vampire's favourite animal?
A giraffe!
A cannibal joke
What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?
Meals on wheels!
A vampire joke
Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
They need someone to play the bit parts!
A cannibal joke
What do cannibal say when they say grace?
''We thank you, Lord, for our daily dead!
''
A vampire joke
What happened at the vampires reunion?
All the blood relations went!
A cannibal joke
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
''Oh no,not snake and pygmy pie again!
''
A vampire joke
What did the vampire say to the doctor who cured his memory loss?
Fangs for the memories!
First Date
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.
"We hadn't started eating yet."
A pain in the leg...
An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn't heal, and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong, so he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry, but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age; there's nothing I can do about it."
The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! That can't be!"
The Doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?"
The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all, my other leg feels just fine."
"So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"
"Well it doesn't hurt a bit, and it's the SAME AGE!"
A woman is at a grocery store.
A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman was surprised & replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The clerk answers, "Because you're ugly."Remember how...
A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?"
He moved over and sat close to her.
"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?"
He reached over and held her tight.
"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?"
With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."
Talking On The Plane
Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.
They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep.
After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.
How many dogs does it take to
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?"Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I don't miss any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one takes advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff.
