The best jokes (16936 to 16950)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16936 to 16950. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Prison vs. Work
IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.
#joke #food #meal
Funny jokes-Horrible accident
Did you hear about the horrible accident last evening involving a guy?
The guy was driving his pickup truck with his motorcycle in the back, when the truck lost control, ran off the road and plunged into the lake.
The guy died trying to get his motorcycle out of the back of the pickup. He drowned attempting to get the tailgate open.
The guy was driving his pickup truck with his motorcycle in the back, when the truck lost control, ran off the road and plunged into the lake.
The guy died trying to get his motorcycle out of the back of the pickup. He drowned attempting to get the tailgate open.
#joke
Answering Machine Message 07
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
#joke #short
Funny jokes-False teeth
Paul, the priest got himself a set of false teeth at the dental clinic.
The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he spoke for only five minutes.
The next Sunday, he spoke for only ten minutes.
The Sunday after that, he spoke for three hours.
The congregation had to fight him to get him down from the pulpit and they were curious to know what made him talk so much.
Priest Paul explained the first Sunday his gums hurt real bad, so he couldn't talk for more than five minutes.
The second Sunday was no better and he managed to speak for just about ten minutes.
But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and found it impossible to shut up.
The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he spoke for only five minutes.
The next Sunday, he spoke for only ten minutes.
The Sunday after that, he spoke for three hours.
The congregation had to fight him to get him down from the pulpit and they were curious to know what made him talk so much.
Priest Paul explained the first Sunday his gums hurt real bad, so he couldn't talk for more than five minutes.
The second Sunday was no better and he managed to speak for just about ten minutes.
But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and found it impossible to shut up.
#joke
The children were lined up in ...
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large
pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples'.
Short funny jokes-Homing pigeon
Guess how Dennis made his millions with just one domestic homing pigeon?
He sold the dove for a dollar and it kept coming home a million times!
#joke #short
Missouri Crazy Law
Buckner
Excelsior Springs
Kansas City
Marceline
Marquette
Mole
Natchez
Purdy
St. Louis
University City
Really funny jokes-Biggest feet
Val, a Norwegian, had a son, Val Junior who was studying in the fourth standard. One day Val Junior returned from school and asked his father: “I have the biggest feet in the fourth grade, is it because I am a Norwegian?”
Val Senior: “No. It's because you are eighteen.”
Val Senior: “No. It's because you are eighteen.”
Hilarious jokes-Market broker
I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained Amy, my yoga batch mate and the wife of a stock market broker. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."
#joke #short
When Chuck Norris does divisio...
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Stop Credit Card Fraud
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Many folks have written with perfectly plausible explanations about why merchants take my phone number on a credit card charge. What these fail to address, however, is that if I'm perpetrating a fraud in the use of this credit card, I'm not about to give out a correct phone number. They make no effort to validate the phone number before I leave, so what they're doing is collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people.
Now then... Why are they collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people?
I once asked why you are asked for your phone number when using your charge cards. The clerk explained that theives have been caught because they stupidly put down THEIR home phone number, not the phone number of the person who "owned" the card.
#joke
Outer Space exists because it ...
Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Chuck Norris was once on Celeb...
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Chuck Norris once broke the la...
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Jesus Visits After the Resurrection
This story cannot be found in the scriptures, but it is told that after his resurrection, Jesus appeared to an old fisherman. "I am Jesus and I have returned to show God's love and power.""No, you're not Jesus. Go away! You're scaring all the fish," answered the old fisherman. "I see you are full of doubt. What would you have me do to show who I am?" "Walk across the river," the old fisherman tells Jesus. Jesus starts walking across the river, but he sinks and disappears under the water. After he swims back to shore, the old fisherman says to him, "See, you're not Jesus. You can't walk on water!" Jesus responds, "Well, I used to be able to do it, but then I got these holes in my feet!"#joke #animal #fish
