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Knock Knock Collection 044
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Datsun!
Datsun who?
Datsun old joke!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dave!
Dave who?
Dave for Night!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dawn!
Dawn who?
Dawn leave me out here in the cold!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Deanna!
Deanna who?
Deanna-mals are restless open the cage!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Deduct!
Deduct who?
Donald Deduct!
Most people put their pants on...
Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.A beautiful woman is standing
A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off. A homeless man walks up to her.She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"
He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it."
"Absolutely not! You're disgusting!" she replies.
The man turns and starts walking away.
"Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?"
"I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!" he says.
Decisions
There are three guys in a small boat and it's sinking fast. In the boat is a Frenchman, an American, and a Puerto Rican.
They decide that they have to throw some things overboard in order to save themselves.
"Well, I have too much of this wine and cheese," says the Frenchman, and he throws some overboard.
"Yeah, and I have too many bananas," says the Puerto Rican and he throws some overboard.
"Well, let me think," says the American, and he throws the Puerto Rican overboard.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Dwayne Perkins: Awakened in a Hotel Lobby
I was like, Damn, do I look homeless? But then I thought about it, and you know what? It could have been my first day of homelessness. You see, because on your first day of homelessness, you dont look that homeless. You dont stink yet, your hairs not matted down, you dont have the imaginary friend -- its day one.The best part of befriending a...
The best part of befriending an obese celebrity? Unfattered assess!The Knob
A lady in her late 40's goes to a plastic surgeon for a facelift.The doctor tells her of a new procedure called 'The Knob'.
A small knob is implanted on the back of a womanâs head and it can be turned to tighten the skin, producing the effect of a brand new facelift forever.
Naturally, the woman wants 'The Knob'.
Fifteen years later, she goes back to the surgeon. "All these years, everythingâs been fine. Iâve turned 'The Knob' on lots of occasions and Iâve loved the results. But now Iâve developed two problems.
First of all, Iâve got awful bags under my eyes, and 'The Knob' wonât get rid of them."
The doctor looks at her and says, "Those arenât bags, those are your breasts."
"Oh," she says. "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."
Submitted by ¤Ãúrtç¤
Edited by Tantilazing
We spend the first twelve mont...
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!Euro-Englinsh
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year-phase in plan that would be known as 'EuroEnglish':
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 percent shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the language is disgraceful, and it should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaning 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!
Mommy Mommy 07
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!
Shut up or I'll grind your other hand.
Mommy, Mommy! I hate tomato juice!
Shut up and drink it before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy! What's a vampire?
Shut up and eat your soup before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month.
Mommy, Mommy! I hate spaghetti!
Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm.
