The best jokes (17761 to 17775)

What did Tonto put on his sush

What did Tonto put on his sushi when undergoing cancer treatment?

This man went into a nightclub

This man went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"
The flattered girl told him it was Channel number 5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
"Well, I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

A fish was chasing m...

“A fish was chasing me and the only thing I could do was to raun as fast as I could.”

Hungriest sea creature? ron

Hungriest sea creature? Starfish.

“Why was one copier m

“Why was one copier mad at the other? Because it found out the other was two tonering it.”

Why should you just defecate i

Why should you just defecate in your hands if you really have to go?

Soviet cannibals preferred din

Soviet cannibals preferred dining on Germans. Because they were total-eat-Aryans.

At the butcher's shop...

A man goes into a butcher's shop and says, "Have you gota sheep's head?"

The butcher replies, "No, it's just the way I part my hair."

“I saw this bloke wal

“I saw this bloke walking into court and he was carrying a large box, 10 minutes later he came out, it was a briefcase.”

I can spread, butter...

“I can spread, butter won't.”

How would Alien Spider Trump r

How would Alien Spider Trump rule? A: By eggsackutive order.

“I wanted to buy my w

“I wanted to buy my wife some fancy soap, but she would not have a bar of it.”

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Easter

10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments." 9. You look really, really good in yellow. 8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge. 7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad. 6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies. 5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed. 4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason. 3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play." 2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot. 1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too? From EasterHumor.com

 Knock Knock Collection 100

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Janet!
Janet who!
Janet'or in a drum!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Japan!
Japan who!
Japan is too hot, ouch!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaws!
Jaws who?
Jaws truly!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jean!
Jean who?
Jeanius - you just don't recognise it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jenny!
Jenny who?
Jennymen prefer blondes!

A little girl and her dog are...

A little girl and her dog are walking through the forest when they suddenly fall into a pit. They scramble and scramble but can't make their way out. The little girl yells, the dog barks, but no one is around to hear their calls for help. Slowly, the night sky turns black and they find themselves engulfed in utter darkness.
Off in the distance, the wolves begin howling. Each howl is louder and closer than the last.
The little girl holds the dog close to her chest and says sadly to the dog, "This is the worst mess in which ever have found ourselves, my darling Sparky."
"Yeah," the dog says, "we're really screwed."
"Sparky," the girl says, astonished, "I didn't know you could talk."
"Well," the dog says, "I was kinda waiting for the right time to tell you."