The best jokes (18331 to 18345)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18331 to 18345. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Lightbulb Joke Collection 45
Q: How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!
Q: How many dentists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the lightbulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That depends on whether it has health insurance.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the surgery later.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nurse!
#joke #doctor
Knock Knock Collection 112
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kyoto!
Kyoto who?
Kyoto jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Laos!
Laos who?
Laos and found!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lauren!
Lauren who?
Lauren order!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Laverne!
Laverne who?
Laverne of catastrophe!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Leaf!
Leaf who?
Leaf me alone!
#joke
Answering Machine Message 149
We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got.
#joke #short
Chuck Norris does not kick but...
Chuck Norris does not kick butt and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks butt and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.#joke #short #chuck-norris
A boy was having a lot of diff...
A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."
#joke
Enmity Between Races
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke."
(Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)
"No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it.
The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too."
Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.
The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples ... this hatred ... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes!?!"
#joke #drinks #coke
Did you call me?
Jesus, Joseph, and Mary were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?""No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer, again."
#joke #short
Really funny jokes-The family way
Conswelo, a Mexican maid announced to her boss, Mrs. Blanco that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."
The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who the father could be.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
Mrs. Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," Conswelo explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."
The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who the father could be.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
Mrs. Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," Conswelo explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."
#joke #father
A man gets home, runs into his...
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?"
He says, "I don't care! Just be out by the end of the week!"
Business One-liners 12
Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.
Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.
Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
#joke
Teacher jokes-Spell wrong
Teacher : How do you spell "wrong"?
Bobby : R-O-N-G.
Teacher: That's wrong.
Bobby: That's what you asked for, isn't it?
Bobby : R-O-N-G.
Teacher: That's wrong.
Bobby: That's what you asked for, isn't it?
#joke #short
