The best jokes (18451 to 18465)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18451 to 18465. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Lightbulb Joke Collection 54
Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One, but it'll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It all depends on the size of the grant.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two and a professor to take credit.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1/100. A graduate student needs to change 100 lightbulbs a day.
Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen in on the guest list.
Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."
Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: 5, one to change the bulb and 4 to get in free because they know the guy who owns the socket.
Squirrels that just...
“Squirrels that just don't care anymore have been seen throwing cashews to the wind.”
A blond and her blond boyfrien...
A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river. The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down. She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
Hemingway was fascinated by ag...
Hemingway was fascinated by aging popes. That why he wrote Old Man in the See. Nick Kroll: Dreamcatcher
I actually keep a dreamcatcher above my bed. But then, just to be fair, I keep a picture of my dad next to it so that I can have a dreamcrusher there as well.Passover Fish
how thirsty they were after walking so far. They were not able to drink from the walls of Red Sea water on either side since it was salt water.Then, a fish out of a wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people. Through their own gills, they could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths to become fresh water for the Israelites to drink.Moses accepted the fish's offer, but the fish and his family also had a demand: Their descendants had to be always present at the seder meal since they had a part in the Passover story. Moses agreed to this and then said, "Go Filter, Fish!" To this day, this phrase remains the name of the fish (gefilter) eaten at Passover.Anyone crossing the Lone Star
Anyone crossing the Lone Star State on foot surely Texas time.The caterer was consulting wit
The caterer was consulting with a woman about throwing a birthday party for her 72-year-old husband."Is it a surprise?" the caterer asked.
"Oh, no," answered the woman. "My husband knows he's going to be 72."
Elephant Jokes 02
What' s big and grey with horns?An elephant marching band!
What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?
An elephant disguised as a banana!
What's big, grey and flies straight up?
An elecopter!
What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
A get wellephant!
What's grey and never needs ironing?
A drip dry elephant!
What's big and grey and red?
A sunburnt elephant!
What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?
"Pack your trunk and clear out!"
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
Take all the matches out first!
What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
An elephant holding its breath!
Nick Swardson: Quitting Marijuana
The whole first week, I thought I was psychic. I thought I had new powers all of a sudden, you know. I'd be like, 'Where are my keys? Oh, they're in my pocket.' How did I know that? Oh my gosh!Answering Machine Message 171
Please hang up now if you would want to speak to Johan. Otherwise, please stay on the line to leave him a message.
Blonde Game
A blonde is on a plane sleeping when the guy next to hersays, "Let's play a game." She looks at him and tells him the
she doesn't want to and she just wants to sleep, but he keeps
bugging her until she agrees.
He tells her that he will ask her a question and if she
can't answer, she owes him $5.00, then she asks him a
question and if he can't answer, he owes her $50.00. So he
asks, "Who was the last person to sign the Declaration of
Independence?"
She quietly hands over a $5 bill. She asks, "What goes up a
hill with 4 legs and down with 5? He has no idea so he gives
up and gives her $50.
The blonde turns back around and goes back to sleep.
Not 2 seconds later, he wakes her back up and asks, "What
was the answer?"
Quietly, she reaches into her purse and gives the guy a
$5.00 bill.
Redneck quickies 7
You might be a redneck if...You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
