The best jokes (18496 to 18510)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18496 to 18510. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
1970s partygoers enjoyed a
1970s partygoers enjoyed a high Quaalude of life.#joke #short
Your ass is on the line if you
Your ass is on the line if you misuse punctuation. And you don't have an asterisk.#joke #short
A man is hired by the circus t
A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work."It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink."
His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else."
He looks at them, stunned: "You know, you're probably right, but I just can't give up the glamour of show business!"
It's easy to sabotage a
It's easy to sabotage a peaceful protest among my Arabic relatives. It's like taking Gandhi from habibi.#joke #short
Mommy Mommy 03
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!
#joke #animal #monkey
Yo Mama Is So Ugly
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Mommy Mommy 12
Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a big head?
Don't worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store.
Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?
You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.
Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
Shut up and get back in the sack!
Mommy, Mommy! How come sister gets to watch TV and I can't?
Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too!
Mommy, Mommy! Don't push me towards the elevator shAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
#joke
An Incredible Inventor
He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn't find a single phone boot.
#joke
“The weapon smuggler
“The weapon smuggler had a barrel of fun in the judge's private chamber.”
#joke #short
A mother was having a tea part
A mother was having a tea party on the lawn with her children. A neighbor said, "How can you find time for a tea party when you have three small kids?"She smile and said, "They'll always remember our tea parties, but they'll never remember if their clothes were ironed or clean!"
Answering Machine Message 147
We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn't it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually.
#joke #short
Silly Collection 25
What is posthumous work?
Something written by someone after they are dead!
What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!
What is the strongest bird?
A crane!
What is the smelliest city in America?
Phew York!
What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking!
Who was the best actor in the bible?
Samson, he brought the house down!
What cake wanted to rule the world?
Atilla the Bun!
Husband over by a car
Two women friends talking:- You know, I sent my husband to our local market place to buy potatoes today. But on his way there he was run over by a car.
- Oh, that's awful. What will you do now?
- I don't know. I will probably cook rice pudding...
