The best jokes (18481 to 18495)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18481 to 18495. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Chuck Norris once sued Burger ...
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.Some kids play Kick the can. C...
Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.Chuck Norris is the only human...
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.After he spent too long in a s...
After he spent too long in a steam room, they called him A Sauna been Laid in.Funny jokes-Free to move
Miraculous Golf Shot
Two men are standing on a golf course. The first one steps up, tees his first ball, and positions himself for a swing. The man lifts his club, swings smoothly down and smacks the ball into the air. It sails off in a nice, long arc, but as it comes down the two men can see that it's heading straight for the water trap.
Just then, a wind picks up, and a lily pad is blown directly into the ball's path. The ball lands on the lily pad, and after a few seconds a frog hops up onto the pad, grabs the ball in its mouth, jumps off the pad and swims for shore.
When the frog reaches dry land, it spits out the ball, and no sooner has it disappeared into the water than a squirrel comes running up to the ball, grabs it in its paws, and scampers off across the grass. But before it can reach the trees, a hawk swoops down out of nowhere, grabs the squirrel in its talons, and begins to climb back up into the sky. Panicked and struggling to get free, the squirrel releases the ball from its paws, and with the altitude and speed gained from the hawk, the ball sails down in a long, clean fall straight into the hole. Hole in one.
The second man turns to the first, and says "OK, God. Are you going to play golf or are you going to fuck around?"
Robert Schmidt 07
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.
I got a calculator and now I can't add without it. I got a spellchecker and I can't write without it anymore. I got a blowdryer and now my hair won't dry on its own.
Get a bunch of those 3-D glasses and wear them at the same time. Use enough to get it up to a good, say, 10 or 12-D.
I heard that in relativity theory space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the one in the leather jacket." She said, "I'll be the one drinking sake." Turned out it was one of those biker-sushi places. We never met.
Wrote my own communications software in LISP. Got a phone bill for a thousand dollars. My computer keeps calling itself.
Knock Knock Collection 144
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ozzie!
Ozzie who?
Ozzie you later!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pablo!
Pablo who?
Pablo your horn!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pammy!
Pammy who?
Pammy the key, the door is locked!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paris!
Paris who?
Paris the thought!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!
Scary Collection 55
A witch joke
What do baby witches play with?
Deady bears!
A witch joke
How do you make a witch float?
You take two scoops of ice cream, a glass of coke and one witch...!
A witch joke
What does a witch enjoy cooking most?
Gnomelettes!
A witch joke
How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?
With scare spray!
A witch joke
When can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
You can hear their brooms tick!
A witch joke
Why are witches fingernails never longer than 11 inches?
Because if they were 12 inches they'd be a foot!
A witch joke
What do you call a pretty and friendly witch?
A failure!
I won’t beg someone to love me
I won’t beg someone to love me. I learned long ago that there is no use in hopeless pleas of trying to make someone stay. I am too valuable to chase someone who does not know my worth and to keep waiting for someone who doesn't acknowledge my value. I want to be loved unconditionally. I shouldn’t have to fight so hard for it. I am worth more than that. What do you call an Arab bodybuilder?
What do you call an Arab bodybuilder?
A protein sheikh.
Mike Lawrence: Angel's Mouth
My mom wants to manage my comedy career now and I was like, 'Alright mom, why don't you give me some notes?' And one of her notes was, 'You should smile more, you have an angel's mouth.' I feel I should manage my mom in helping her write pickup lines for pedophiles in the wooing phase.
“Two crows kill a man
“Two crows kill a man. I guess you could say it was a murder, done by a murder!”
