The best jokes (18541 to 18555)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18541 to 18555. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Humor about the Irishmen
There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He'd wanted to be buried at sea."Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client.
"Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport."
The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "Oi'm always first out of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again.
"What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have."
"Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds."
"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider.
"What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady,
"Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation."
A man walks into a railway sta...
A man walks into a railway station. He walks up to the ticket window and says "(sniff) Fird clad redurn to Nodingham pleade (sniff)".The ticket bloke says "You know what you need.. you need Tunes".
"Why" says the man... "Will id cure Cereble Palsdsy"?
Most Men and Real Men
The Difference between Most Men and REAL MenReal Men..put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Most Men..pretend you're not there when their moms call.
Real Men..claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Most Men..claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.
Real Men..know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Most Men..are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.
Real Men..really know how to make you relax.
Most Men...really know how to make you laugh.
Real Men..read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Most Men..read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.
Real Men..make a lot of money before they are 30.
Most Men..make a lot of mistakes before they are 30.
Real Men..wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Most Men..wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school.
Real Men..think perfume (yours) is a turn-on.
Most Men..think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on.
Real Men..balance their checkbooks.
Most Men..balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.
Real Men..have an internist, a tailor and an accountant.
Most Men..have a barber, a bartender and a mechanic.
Real Men..are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Most Men..are afraid of becoming Real Men.
Real Men..start their own businesses.
Most Men..quit their jobs.
Real Men..order wine based on more than the price.
Most Men..bring their own beer.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at C...
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Pettry amzanig huh?When Chuck Norris plays Oregon...
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.Man on the ladies tee...
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine on #1, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee back up to the Men's Tee, please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement--"Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S Tee kindly back up to the Men's Tee."
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?!"
Short funny jokes-Cross stream and brook
Tom: What do you get if you decide to cross a stream and a brook?Jerry: Wet feet.
A man went to the dentist to g...
A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?"
The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually.
How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?"
The dentist says, "No, not quite.
You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"
A man takes his dog to the vet...
A man takes his dog to the vet.My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for him?
Well, says the vet, lets take a look at him.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, Im going to have to put him down.
What? Because he is cross-eyed?
No, because hes really heavy.
Funny jokes-Biblical epic star
"Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"
Anal vs Oral
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Sex the Alaskan Way
These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What's that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said," well take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year.
"Okay," they said and left. Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said
"Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?"
asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"Why?"
"I caught him in bed with my board."
