The best jokes (2821 to 2835)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 2821 to 2835. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Responsible Employee
Employer: "We need someone responsible for this job."
Applicant: "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible."
6 Double Vodkas
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender says, "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".
"Yeah, my wife..."
Cookies
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral.
Went Where
Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?"
Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am."
Teacher: "Why is it wrong?"
Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet."
Color Me Purple
I just found out I'm colorblind.
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple
Country with no R
Geography teacher asked if I could name a country with no R in it.
I said, "No way."
Picking leaves .. and few more short jokes
I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
It's my special tea.
“I have a split personality” said Bob, being frank.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath.
But I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath.
I don't own a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into!
I asked my boss, "Can I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
"It's May," he said.
I said, "Sorry. May I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
Health or Wisdom
It is better to be healthy than wise...
Being sick costs you money, but you can be dumb for free.
A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar...
A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar.The bartender points to a sign that says, "NO JOKES SERVED HERE" and asks them to leave. They head out without a word.
The next day, a horse walks in. Same deal—bartender points to the sign, and with a long face, the horse leaves.
The following day, a chicken walks in. The bartender points to the sign again and says, "Sorry, no jokes served here."
The chicken, annoyed, asks, "Fine, but where can I get a drink?"
The bartender replies, "There's a bar across the road."
