The best jokes (5716 to 5730)

Nice Caboose

I took the train to NYC today and the conductor paid me the nicest compliment as I was boarding...
They said, “First class rear..."

GPT chatbot never feels blue on Mondays

Why did the GPT chatbot never feel blue on Mondays?

Because it always started the week with a byte of humor and a gigglebit of fun!

23 short rabbit jokes and puns

What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hop-timist.

What is a rabbit’s favorite music?
Hip-hop.

What do you call a rabbit that’s raised indoors?
An in-grown hare.

What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.

What did the rabbit give his girlfriend?
A 14-carrot ring.

Where do rabbits work?
At IHOP.

How do you know a rabbit is in a good mood?
He’s hoppy.

How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.

What do you call a bunny transformer?
Hop-timus Prime.

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.

How does the Easter bunny stay fit?
Eggsercise and hareobics.

Why did the bunnies go on strike?
Because they wanted a better celery.

What do you call 50 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.

What did the bunny say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you.

A friend of mine stole a rabbit.
Then he had to make a run for it.

I bought a bunny because everyone needs
a friend who is all ears.

I used to own a rabbit,
but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.

The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year.
He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.

I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch.
But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.

You must be the Easter Bunny,
because you’ve got me all egg-cited.

I know a bald chap who put a rabbit on his head.
He wanted a head of hare.

Got in a lift with an animal that looked a bit like a rabbit.
It was a hare-raising experience.

I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns.
They are not bunny anymore.

Pregnant for Two Years

"Mary, if you were a four legged animal and you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?"
"I don't know," said Mary, "but whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."

Photographic Memory

Everyone has a photographic memory...
Some just still keep it on film...
And they never develop it.

The talking cockatiel

Halloween, Thanksgiving and other Fall Jokes for kids

Halloween Jokes
1. Why did the cows turn into werewolves?
- It was a full moooooon.

2. Where do ghosts go on vacation?
- The boo-hamas.

3. What kind of monster loves disco?
- The boogieman.

4. How do you know a vampire has a cold?
- He starts coffin.

5. What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
- A hot dog.

6. Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
- You can see right through them.
Find more about Haloween on Haloween Jokes

Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Jack.
- Jack who?
- Jack o’lantern.

2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Ivan.
- Ivan who?
- Ivan to suck your blood.

3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Witches.
- Witches who?
- Witches the best way out of this neighborhood?
Knock-Knock and other Haloween Jokes can be found on page Haloween Jokes

Pumpkin Jokes
1. How did the little pumpkins cross the road?
- With the help of a crossing gourd.

2. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
- With a pumpkin patch.

3. How does the pumpkin listen to music?
- On vine-yl.

4. What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach?
- A life gourd.

5. Where do pumpkins hold business meetings?
- In the gourd-room.

6. What happens if you eat too much pumpkin pie?
- You get autumn-y ache.
Pumpkins are importan part of many Haloween Jokes

Fall Jokes
1. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
- Straw-berries.

2. What did the scarecrow say when he lost all his stuffing?
- That was the last straw!

3. What is the cutest of seasons?
- Awww-tumn.

4. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
- Squash.

5. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
- To make up for his miserable summer.

6. Why are dads so good at fall puns?
- Because they’re so corny.

Thanksgiving Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Annie.
- Annie who?
- Annie-body want some pie?

2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Arthur.
- Arthur who?
- Arthur any leftovers?

3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Pie.
- Pie who?
- Pie love you.

Knock-Knock and other Thanksgiving jokes on Thanksgiving Jokes

Thanksgiving Jokes
1. Why did the gravy get sent to bed early?
- For acting saucy at the table.

2. Why did the turkey get ejected from the basketball game?
- He committed a fowl.

3. Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving band perform?
- Somebody ate the drumsticks.

4. What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
- Yammies.

5. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving?
- The tur-key.

6. What is the most mythical vegetable?
- A uni-corn.

Find more jokes about Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Jokes

Apple Jokes
1. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
- It ran out of juice.

2. Why did the apple pie cross the road?
- It saw a fork up ahead.

3. Why did the apple join the circus?
- He loved the apple-ause.

4. Why did the apple pie cry?
- Its peelings were hurt.

5. What did the apple tree say to the hungry caterpillar?
- “Leaf me alone!”

6. Why is it hard to work at the apple pie factory?
- They have such a high turnover rate.

5 Best Office Jokes great for Mid-Week Laughter

1. Vengeance and the Boss

2. Nodding Off in Meetings

"The reason we 'nod off to sleep' is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting."

3. Emergency Contact Humor

4. Team Work Irony

5. Multitasking Expertise

Give A Bald Man A Comb

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
"Thanks, I’ll never part with it!"

Boy I'm Glad To See You

A hunter lost his bearings and wandered around the forest in a daze. Suddenly, he spotted another man. Dropping his rifle, he threw his arms around the other's neck and screamed, "Boy am I glad to see you! I've been lost in these woods for three days!"
"Restrain yourself," cautioned the other sadly, "I've been lost here for a week."

Fractured Dictionary, Part II

Baloney \\ba-lo’-ne\\: Where some hemlines fall.
Banquet \\bang’-kwit\\: Why the vocalist had no instrumentalists.
Bernadette \\burn’-a-det\\: The act of torching a mortgage.
Boomerang \\boo’-me-rang\\: What’s on top of the Ghost Cream Pie.

Wifi Password

Johnny’s Father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right?
T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M

That's Impossible

Drunkard #1: I will become the chief prime minister tomorrow!
Drunkard #2: That's impossible... I haven't resigned yet.

Rub It In

I’ve been prescribed anti-gloating cream...
I can’t wait to rub it in!

So Forgetful

Bob sent Alice the following email: "Dear Alice, I must be getting so forgetful. I proposed to you last night , but have forgotten whether you said yes or no."
Alice replied: "Dear Bob. It is so good to hear from you. I know I said no to someone last night, but I had forgotten just who it was."