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Halloween, Thanksgiving and other Fall Jokes for kids
Halloween Jokes
1. Why did the cows turn into werewolves?
- It was a full moooooon.
2. Where do ghosts go on vacation?
- The boo-hamas.
3. What kind of monster loves disco?
- The boogieman.
4. How do you know a vampire has a cold?
- He starts coffin.
5. What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
- A hot dog.
6. Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
- You can see right through them.
Find more about Haloween on Haloween Jokes
Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Jack.
- Jack who?
- Jack o’lantern.
2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Ivan.
- Ivan who?
- Ivan to suck your blood.
3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Witches.
- Witches who?
- Witches the best way out of this neighborhood?
Knock-Knock and other Haloween Jokes can be found on page Haloween Jokes
Pumpkin Jokes
1. How did the little pumpkins cross the road?
- With the help of a crossing gourd.
2. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
- With a pumpkin patch.
3. How does the pumpkin listen to music?
- On vine-yl.
4. What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach?
- A life gourd.
5. Where do pumpkins hold business meetings?
- In the gourd-room.
6. What happens if you eat too much pumpkin pie?
- You get autumn-y ache.
Pumpkins are importan part of many Haloween Jokes
Fall Jokes
1. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
- Straw-berries.
2. What did the scarecrow say when he lost all his stuffing?
- That was the last straw!
3. What is the cutest of seasons?
- Awww-tumn.
4. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
- Squash.
5. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
- To make up for his miserable summer.
6. Why are dads so good at fall puns?
- Because they’re so corny.
Thanksgiving Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Annie.
- Annie who?
- Annie-body want some pie?
2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Arthur.
- Arthur who?
- Arthur any leftovers?
3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Pie.
- Pie who?
- Pie love you.
Knock-Knock and other Thanksgiving jokes on Thanksgiving Jokes
Thanksgiving Jokes
1. Why did the gravy get sent to bed early?
- For acting saucy at the table.
2. Why did the turkey get ejected from the basketball game?
- He committed a fowl.
3. Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving band perform?
- Somebody ate the drumsticks.
4. What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
- Yammies.
5. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving?
- The tur-key.
6. What is the most mythical vegetable?
- A uni-corn.
Find more jokes about Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Jokes
Apple Jokes
1. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
- It ran out of juice.
2. Why did the apple pie cross the road?
- It saw a fork up ahead.
3. Why did the apple join the circus?
- He loved the apple-ause.
4. Why did the apple pie cry?
- Its peelings were hurt.
5. What did the apple tree say to the hungry caterpillar?
- “Leaf me alone!”
6. Why is it hard to work at the apple pie factory?
- They have such a high turnover rate.
5 Best Office Jokes great for Mid-Week Laughter
1. Vengeance and the Boss
"My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.We’ll see about that."
2. Nodding Off in Meetings
"The reason we 'nod off to sleep' is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting."
3. Emergency Contact Humor
"When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write,'A very good doctor'."
4. Team Work Irony
"Team work is important;it helps to put the blame on someone else."
5. Multitasking Expertise
"I’m great at multitasking.I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
Most recent Thanksgiving Jokes - fresh from 2023
What did one pumpkin pie say to the other?
"You wanna piece of me?"
How did you find grandma’s turkey this year?
I just looked next to the gravy.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
What did the leftover turkey say?
"Make me a sandwich!"
What’s the difference between a turkey and a chicken?
Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.
Why do turkeys hate Thanksgiving tables?
They're a fowl sight.
Find New Thanksgiving jokes from 2023, fresh and corny.
When do you serve rubber turkey?Pranksgiving!
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he's already stuffed!
What do you call an attractive pilgrim?
A puri-ten!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?
Puri-tan.
Our collection Thanksgiving jokes has jokes collected for many years.
Why didn't the pilgrim want to make the bread?It's a crummy job.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain?
Pil-grimace.
Why did the turkey stand on stilts?
Because nobody eat flamingoes for Thanksgiving dinner.
What did the turkey say to his real estate agent?
Turn-key only.
I tried a new pie recipe.
Wow, you're a real pie-oneer.
You know you overdid it on Thanksgiving...
when you cut yourself shaving and you bleed gravy!
Not enough Thanksgiving jokes? These jokes were new not so long ago 26 funny new Thanksgiving jokes that were new on 2020!
Give A Bald Man A Comb
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
"Thanks, I’ll never part with it!"
Boy I'm Glad To See You
A hunter lost his bearings and wandered around the forest in a daze. Suddenly, he spotted another man. Dropping his rifle, he threw his arms around the other's neck and screamed, "Boy am I glad to see you! I've been lost in these woods for three days!"
"Restrain yourself," cautioned the other sadly, "I've been lost here for a week."
That's Impossible
Drunkard #1: I will become the chief prime minister tomorrow!
Drunkard #2: That's impossible... I haven't resigned yet.
So Forgetful
Bob sent Alice the following email: "Dear Alice, I must be getting so forgetful. I proposed to you last night , but have forgotten whether you said yes or no."
Alice replied: "Dear Bob. It is so good to hear from you. I know I said no to someone last night, but I had forgotten just who it was."
Difference Between In-laws and Out-laws
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are usually wanted.
A man died and he went to heav...
A man died and he went to heaven. In heaven there were very huge walls with millions of clocks attached on it. Sometimes a hand on a clock was moving a little bit.The man called Saint Peter: "Mr. Peter, may I ask you a question... What are all these clocks doing here?"
Saint Peter: "Every time when a woman on earth wants to have sex, the hand of her clock is moving a second."
Man: "So every woman has her own clock. But how are they organized?"
Saint Peter: "Over here we've got the Brunette-wall. Over there the black haired women-wall. And over there the blond-wall."
Man: "And what about a redhead-wall?"
Saint Peter: "Oh we use their clocks in the kitchen as a ventilator."
Signs of the times....
These are supposedly actual signs. You be the judge. Whether or not they are real, they sure are funny! In the front yard of a funeral home,
'Drive carefully, we'll wait.'
On an electrician's truck,
'Let us remove your shorts.'
Outside a radiator repair shop,
'Best place in town to take a leak.'
In a nonsmoking area,
'If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'
On a maternity room door,
'Push, Push, Push.'
On a front door,
'Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.'
At an optometrist's office,
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'
On a taxidermist's window,
'We really know our stuff.'
On a butcher's window,
'Let me meat your needs.'
On a fence,
'Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.'
At a car dealership,
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'
Outside a muffler shop,
'No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.'
In a dry cleaner's emporium,
'Drop your pants here.'
On a desk in a reception room,
'We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.'
In a veterinarian's waiting room,
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'
In a Beauty Shop,
'Dye now!'
In a restaurant window,
'Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.'
Inside a bowling alley,
'Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.'
In a cafeteria,
'Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.'
Three Nickels
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the IRS."
Wife Was Mad At Me #joke #humor
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!
