The best jokes (13036 to 13050)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 13036 to 13050. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Hilarious jokes-Razorback hogs
The alert security guard salutes and says, "Nice pigs, Sir."
Obama replies, "You are mistaking them for pigs. These are genuine Razorback hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the other for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."
The security guard salutes, and comments: "Brilliant trade, sir."
Adult jokes-Still premature!
His wife rang up the hospital to find out if the operation was a success, and the doctor informed her, "I'm sorry but it's still touch and go!"
During a simulated attack, the...
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. “You there,” the sergeant shouts, “the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!” The recruit takes two steps to one side.“What are you doing, man?” Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. “I’m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant,” answers the recruit calmly.
Write With Other Hand
At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass jock raises his hand."What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exahausted?''
''Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with.''
Infrequently
An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.
They decide it's finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.
They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asks, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently," replies the old lady.
The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: "Is that one word or two?"
Close Enough For Government
Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best:
"My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."
"My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."
"I've got you both beat. My dad's so good because he works for the city. He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30."
Hand Me Downs
Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
“I was too busy drink...
“I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray.”
Your dog bite?
There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."
As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."
