The best jokes (14386 to 14400)

“My friend was runnin

“My friend was running with cheese yesterday, but I told him to stop because it was sharp.”

I'm A Talking Tree

Upon arrival, the lumberjack started to swing at the tree, when the tree suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue!”

Valentine's day in cinema

It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date. They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand. Jim and Danielle realized that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"

How does a sundial work?

Son: “Hey Dad, how does a sundial work?”

Dad hands son a phone…

“Ok, now just call someone.”

Son: “Why can’t you do it?”

Dad: “Because that would be a DADdial.”

“Charles, the future

“Charles, the future king of England, has released a book of images of cetaceans. It is called 'The Prints of Whales'.”

“Do Haematologists ha

“Do Haematologists have blood relationship with their patients?.”

Half man and half horse

“Being half man and half horse, he enjoyed being the centaur of attention.”

That's One Way to Order Chicken

Kofi walks in to a restaurant and wants to order chicken. Unfortunately, English is not his first language and he can't remember how to say chicken in English.
Kofi sees the guy at the table next to him with a plate with 4 boiled eggs on it.
Kofi points to the plate of eggs and says to the waiter, “I want their mother!"

Embarrassed meteorologist

“The young meteorologist was embarrassed that he didn’t get the forecast for the tornado correct so he went into abasement to funnel his emotions.”

Favorite Tea

What is a web developer's favourite tea?
URL Grey.

“Fairgrounds are medi

“Fairgrounds are mediocre coffee.”

Poor typists are rather ron

Poor typists are rather un qwerty nated.

A young journalism graduate fr

A young journalism graduate from Cheshire had gone to work for the Liverpool Echo. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home county of Cheshire.
Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start.
He introduced himself to the country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer named Farmer Mahon agreed to answer his questions.
The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest?
Farmer Mahon replied, "One time a neighbour lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it."
"I can't print that," said the reporter, "Is there another event that made you really happy?"
Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, "Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-looking young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy."
Again the reporter knew he couldn't print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Mahon, "Was there any event in your life that has made you really sad?"
Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, "Well, I got lost once."

In the days leading up to Chri

In the days leading up to Christmas, people in San Francisco did everything they could to avoid the mauls, as they were a real zoo. The only people who weren't worried were lawyers with an escape claws.

Can't Do Without It

Duct tape is like 'The Force'...
It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.