Jokes of the day for Thursday, 27 September 2012
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 27 September 2012 |
Hilarious jokes-Pilot in trouble
"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"
Dead Goldfish
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
A vertically challenged psychi...
A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."New drugs for men...
With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.Here are a few of the new ones:
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewellery and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
Real Saddam Please stand up!
This is parody of eminem's song "Will the real Slim Shady plz stand up!" the saddam hussein version.May I have your attention please?
Infidels,
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Saddam please stand up?
I repeat! Will the real Saddam please stand up?
We gonna have a problem here...
You all act like you've never seen a dictator before
Jaws all on the floor
Like Hitler and Stalin just walked in the door
I started terrorizing years before the 1st gulf war,
Now I plan to even the score
I've got so many body doubles, Its True! No Kidding!
I don't go to the streets. They All do my bidding.
And Chemical Ali said...
Nothin you Idiots, Chem Ali's dead. I'll find a replacement.
Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But it's no worse than what's going on in the U.S war room
Sometimes I wanna go on Al Jazeera and let loose, but can't
But it's OK for the U.S to destory my statues.
Osama's down with this. Osama's down with that.
And if he's lucky he might get weapons from Iraq.
And thats the reason why my regime got attacked.
If I react with chemicals, I'll sure get jacked!
Of course you're gonna bomb me and my forces
By the time you fly warplanes
I'll be in Tikrit sippin' on champagne.
And when you miss me, please don't start to complain.
You've got so many soldiers tearing up my terrain.
I am like cockroach cuz you can't kill me.
The guy you're bombing now isn't the real me.
My information minister goes on TV,
So he can say I wasn't found in the debris.
And there's a million of us just like me
Who dress like me, walk, talk, oppress like me
Mustache like me, a big piece of trash like me
And just might be a piece of sh*t, but not quite me!
I'm Saddam. Yes, I'm the real Saddam.
All you other Saddams can all kiss my bottom.
So won't the real Saddam please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?
Ben Kronberg: Jesus Heals
Jesus heals cripples because heaven isnt wheelchair accessible. That sh*t was built way before wheelchairs. Besides, its a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.Family Bible
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”
Champions are the breakfast of...
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck NorrisA vertically challenged psychi...
A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."A man was walking down the bea...
A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.
Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney."
Moses on His Walkie Talkie
Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
When in a bar, you can order a...
When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.Bare back...
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, the Indian let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'yahoo' and rode off.
'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service station attendant.
'Nothing,' shrugged the woman, 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'
'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians ride bareback...'
The Race…
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!”
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