Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 22 January 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 22 January 2014 |
“Yesterday my fridge ...
“Yesterday my fridge thought it was a microwave, so we got into a heated fight. But we're cool now.”
Very funny jokes-Theft is same store
The cops, while investigating a theft in a readymade garments store, caught the thief and were interrogating him. They asked the thief why did he steal in the same store 4 times.
Bob the thief confessed that the first time he stole an expensive gown, he gifted it to his wife. He added, "You know how women are! I had to go back three times to change it!"
A rather old fashioned lady, a...
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "toilet" in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember this is a very friendly community
Rocky...
One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight too."
Question And Answer
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
Q: What do economists and computers have in common?
A: You need to punch information into both of them.
Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Q: Why did the market economist cross the road?
A: To reach the consensus forecast.
Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
A: Deflator mouse
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.
Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.
Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.
Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven plus or minus ten.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A: The economist is the one with the calculator.
Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground
Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.
Q: Why did God create economists?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
Q: What does an economist do?
A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
Two economists meet on the street.
One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to what?"
To an economist, real life is a special case.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.
When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."
Q: Why has astrology been invented?
A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
Professions
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse k...
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man into next week. He then roundhouse kicked himself into next week, so he could roundhouse the man another week forward.In the Beginning…
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and then He rested.
Then God created man, and then they both rested.
Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has ever rested.
A man walks in a bank, pulls o...
A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me
rob this bank?"
The customer replies, "YES!"
The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him
in the head and kills him!
He then moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ...
YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????"
The man calmly responds, "No ... But My Wife Did!"
The Sparrow
Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings! Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.
Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.
The Moral of the Story:
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.
That big ape
Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillasand after a while they noticed that the huge male gorilla had a massive
erection. This fascinated the gay men so much they couldn't take their eyes
off of it. One of the men just couldn't bear it any longer and he reached
into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabbed him, dragged him into the
cage and screwed him for six hours non-stop. When he was done, the gorilla
threw the gay man back out of the cage. An ambulance was called and the man
was taken away to the hospital. The next day his friend visits him in the
hospital and asked, "Are you hurt?" "AM I HURT?" he shouted, "Wouldn't you
be? That big ape hasn't called, he hasn't written..."
Saying prayers...
Every evening, a mother and her young son, knelt down beside his bed so he could say his prayers. One night, obviously bored with the same old prayer, the little boy said this: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake......can I have breakfast with you in the morning?"
Please Back Up!
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker--
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee please back up to the Men's Tee!"
Mike, still deep in his routine, seemed impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement--
"Would the man on the Ladies Tee kindly back up to the Men's tee, PLEASE!"
Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
Goddess of wisdom
Is the goddess of wisdom against all we stand for?Yes, she’s an athena.
