Jokes of the day for Friday, 28 February 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 28 February 2014 |
Really funny jokes-College graduate
On his first day at work, he reached in time, eager to make a fresh beginning. The manager welcomed him with a warm smile and giving him a broom, said, "Your first job will be to sweep the floor."
The young guy protested,"But I'm a college graduate"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, hand me the broom, I will show you how to sweep the floor."
Most wanted...
An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.
The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!"
Officer says "yes".
Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
From South Dakota
A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old man. Above the old man was a sign that read, "$5.00 - If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00!"The young man watched a cowboy approach the old man and ask, "Is the sign right?"
The man says, "Yes." The cowboy hands him a five and says, "You're on!"
The old man looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly states, "You're from Wyoming."
The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right!" and strolls away.
A second cowboy approaches the old man and goes through the same routine.
Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the old man looks him up and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots. The old man says, "You're from Montana!"
The cowboy, dejected, walks away.
The young man decides he's going to give the old man a run for the money. He goes into the mensroom, takes his boots off, scrubs them, dries them off and puts on a coat of polish. He walks up to the old man, hands over a five dollar bill and says, "Do your stuff!"
The old man looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled. The young man is now thinking he's gone one up on the old geezer. Finally, the old man says, "You're from South Dakota!"
The young man gets really upset and can't for the life of him figure out how the old guy could know that, so he asks, "How in the world did you know I'm from South Dakota?"
The old man replies, "By the wool on your zipper!"
Drunk
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was sweet!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad,... you're drunk!"
Why did President Truman drop ...
Why did President Truman drop the first atomic bomb? Because he thought it would be more humane than sending in Chuck Norris.Dead Atheist
Q: What do you call a dead atheist?
A: Someone all dressed up with nowhere to go!
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member sharohio
Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
Two prisoners are talking abou...
Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:George: 'I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years'
Herman: 'Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days'
George: 'WHAT!? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days!?'
Herman: 'Yeah, it was a lawyer.'
Apple Does It Again!
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about
men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Popular Sayings, modified by the Internet
- Home is where you hang your @- The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
- A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
- You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
- Great groups from little icons grow.
- Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
- C: is the root of all directories.
- Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
- Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
- The modem is the message.
- Too many clicks spoil the browse.
- The geek shall inherit the earth.
- A chat has nine lives.
- Don't byte off more than you can view.
- Fax is stranger than fiction.
- What boots up must come down.
- Windows will never cease.
- In Gates we trust.
- Virtual reality is its own reward.
- Modulation in all things.
- A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
- Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
- There's no place like http://www.home.com
- Know what to expect before you connect.
- Oh, what a tangled Web site we weave when first we practice.
- Speed thrills.
The man was in no shape to dri...
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer."I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
Husband (a doctor) and his wif...
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
Daniel Tosh: Airport Phone Fun
So when I get a phone call at the airport, Ill admit it, I like to have a little fun. Go ahead. Gate 47 is completely clear. People notice in a hurry. Honey, something is going on. That guy has a wire hanging down, maybe we shouldnt be standing right here. Stand down, blue team! Stand down, blue team! Honey, there is a sting going down at the airport. I am not feeling safe. Please, lets move. Stand down, down blue team! Dont -- hold on, the subjects approaching. Hes in a business suit with a briefcase. I repeat, the briefcase is in his hand. And I find some random businessman. I run, and I just beat the crap out of him. And everybody starts clapping, Thank you for making our airways safe. And then I go get on my plane, and that guy just has a weird story to tell for the rest of his life.