Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Saturday, 29 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 29 March 2014

Doctor jokes-Shots

Dr. Jones enters the student classroom and starts shouting, "Tetanus! Insulin! Booster!"

One student asked another, "What the hell do you think he is doing?"

The other student replied, "Calling the shots."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Soap and water...

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, whom he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes EVER washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

"She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."

He felt quite apprehensive, but not wanting to offend, blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious, and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #17 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Humor About The Stupid Irish


Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Higgins, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud Higgins to a deck hand.
"It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"
Shamrock
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. What happened said the farmer, Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said the farmer if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Somewhere in America...

Dad - Son, come in here, we need to talk. Son - What's up,

Dad? D - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you

do it? S - I don't believe, if I understand the definition of

"scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, say that I

scratched the car. D - Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and

you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it

since. How can you explain the scratch? S - Well, as I've

said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car.

While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I

did not scratch it. D - But your sister, Monica, has told me

she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of

the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to

examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you,

yes or no, did you scratch the car? S - Oh, you mean you

think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you

see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I

stand by my earlier statement, that "I" did not scratch the

car. D - Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car

into the mailbox? S- Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive

the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the

car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox,

though that was clearly not my intent. D - So you are then

saying that you did hit the mailbox? S - No sir, that's not

my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement

that I did not scratch the car. D - But the car did hit the

mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this

contact? S - Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that

way. D - So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch

the car? S - No. No, that's not correct. Your question was

"Did "I" scratch the car?". >From a strict legal definition,

as I understood the meaning of that sentence, "I" did not

scratch the car... the mailbox did... I was merely present

when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you

asked "Did "I" scratch the car" was legally correct, although

I did not volunteer information. D - Where in the heck did

you learn to be such a smart alec? S - From The President of

the United States. D - I see.

#joke
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

“I'd tell you a joke ...

“I'd tell you a joke about a cow but I always butcher it.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

A cannibal entered the meat ma...

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 July 2012
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (15)

In the X-Men movies, none of t...

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 July 2011
  • Currently 2.13/10

Rating: 2.1/10 (8)

Man Talks to God

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 August 2009
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (42)

Yo mama is so short

Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo mama so short she models for trophys.

#joke #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 March 2012
  • Currently 3.02/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (46)

Andy Kindler: Celebrating Suffering

Jewish people, we dont believe in Hell or a future place to suffer. Were suffering right now. Every one of our holidays celebrates how much weve suffered. Passover -- were celebrating 5,000 years ago, God passed over our houses and murdered all the Egyptians. Were celebrating, Hey, thank God we didnt get slaughtered.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 March 2010
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (41)

Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 March 2013
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (34)

Repaying a Debt

The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her.
She shook her head and told him she didn't have any money with her.
"No problem," the Hodja grinned. "You can pay me later."
She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste.
"Oh no, I can't, I'm fasting," she responded.
"Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!"
"Yes, well, I missed a day and I'm making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives."
"Forget it!" shouted the Hodja. "If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed ALLAH, who knows when you'll get around to paying me!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 March 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (24)

A little boy and his grandfath...

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. Thelittle boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says,"Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfatherreplies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limpto put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can ofhairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray,and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes backout and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Dating

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"             

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

A passenger in a taxi leaned o...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 September 2010
  • Currently 7.93/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (46)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.