Jokes of the day for Friday, 25 April 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 25 April 2014 |
Defective nails...?
Two guys were doing construction on a house. One of them who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding.
The other guy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first guy explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding."
The second guy was outraged. He yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
Movies Changed
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."
Trouble at the bar
A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!"The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.
Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?"
"I haven't got any money!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Bought A Porsche
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh No," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. 
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
Do you know why Baskin Robbins...
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.Moshe Reads an Arab Newspaper
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
Used Car
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said "Heavens no, we bought it."
He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".
Each of the women said "We can't drive".
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"
They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.
Knock Knock Collection 057
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Egypt!
Egypt who?
Egypt you when he sold you a broken door bell!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Elaine!
Elaine who?
Elaine of the freeway!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Eileen!
Eileen who?
Eileen over to tie up my shoes!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Elektra!
Elektra who?
Elektra circus!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Elias!
Elias who?
Elias a terrible thing!
Three mice are sitting around...
Three mice are sitting around drinking and boasting about their strengths. The first mouse says "Mouse traps, Ha! I do pushups with the bar". The second mouse pulls a pill from his pocket, swallows it, and says with a grin "D-Con Rat Poison". The third mouse finishes his drink, slams his glass on the table and starts to leave. The first mouse says, "Where do you think you're going?” "Time to go home and chase the cat”
