Jokes of the day for Monday, 14 September 2020
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 14 September 2020 |
Intersex people are very eroti
Intersex people are very erotic. They have a lot of androgynous zones.A guy came into a bar one day
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodka."The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Wow! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Morris and his wife Esther wen
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, andevery year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in thathelicopter".Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but thathelicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get anotherchance."
Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50dollars is 50 dollars".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal.I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for theentire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say oneword, it's 50 dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds offancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricksover and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot
turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to getyou to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said somethingwhen Esther fell out, but you know -- 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
You Might Be A Redneck If ...
You might be a redneck if...You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a...
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.Modern Science
Researchers say they've discovered a tree extract that couldhelp to prevent herpes...
.. Must be a rubber tree...
Shhhh!
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
John Mulaney: Benchwarmer Humiliation
I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants. Two college classmates met for
Two college classmates met for the first time in years. "How goes it with you, Pete?" asked one.
"Not good at all," mourned Pete. "My wife ran away with the mail man, my son is a juvenile delinquent, my bank failed, and all my teeth will have to come out."
"Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that," sympathized the classmate. "What business are you in now?"
"Some old line," answered Pete. "Selling good-luck charms."
A little boy and his grandfath...
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. Thelittle boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says,"Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfatherreplies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limpto put back in that little hole."The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can ofhairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray,and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes backout and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma
Skydiving for the first time
A man is going skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.
The man goes up in the airplane and waits to get to the proper altitude. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver, by this time scared out of his wits, yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"
Confident and confidential
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
Writes and Wrongs
Teacher: "Your spelling is really improving, Henry, I only counted three mistakes."
Henry: "That's great!"
Teacher: "And now, let's check the second sentence."