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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 14 April 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 14 April 2022

Why Was Cinderella Bad At Sports?

Why was Cinderella so bad at sports?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Strangers on a train...

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea....let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good", he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 May 2016
  • Currently 7.07/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (14)

SLIDESHOW #43 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Outdone

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workers.

After several minutes, Morris had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said: "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied: "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 December 2014
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

Ashamed of my weight, I eat pi...

Ashamed of my weight, I eat pies in secret. It's a flandestine activity.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 November 2010
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

A Rabbi, a Hindu and a Lawyer

A rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car broke down. They set out to find help and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
The rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The rabbi entered exclaiming, "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!"
The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!" The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.
In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 April 2010
  • Currently 7.19/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (58)

Gone Camping

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect lake camping and riding trip.

Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."

So here I am.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 April 2013
  • Currently 7.34/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (44)

Complete coverage

Two men are in a doctor's office.

Each of them are to get a vasectomy...the nurse comes into the room and tells both men, "Strip and put on these gowns before going in to see the doctor to have your procedures done."

A few minutes later she returns and reaches into one man's gown and proceeds to fondle and ultimately begins to masturbate him.

Shocked as he was, he asks "Why are you doing that?"

To which she replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure."

The man not wanting to be a problem and enjoying it, allows her to complete her task.

After she is through, she proceeds to the next man.. She starts to fondle the man as she had the previous man, but then drops to her knees and proceeds to give him oral sex.

The first man seeing this quickly responds, "Hey! Why is it that I get masturbated and he gets a blow job?"

The nurse simply replies, "Sir, there is a difference between HMO and Complete Coverage.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Tantilazing

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 April 2009
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (41)

John Oliver: Cell Phone Videos

I see that no one, yet, is filming this on their cell phones. I appreciate that because that has become the new scourge of stand-up: people sitting there saying, I want to enjoy this, but now is not good for me. Later would be better -- later and smaller.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 April 2011
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (38)

T.J. Miller: Fighting With an Ex

She said, Youre an unoriginal jerk. Everything youve said to me youve said to some other girl. I felt awful but I was like, Yeah, of course. Theres only a limited amount of words in the English language that make sense to say to a female. If you can only use them once, youre going to run out and be like, Garbage truck banana boat.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 April 2012
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (37)

April Fool's Day - Freeze your kid’s morning cereal

Freeze your kid’s morning cereal. Put a bowl of your kid’s favorite cereal and milk in the freezer overnight, then watch in the morning as your unsuspecting kid clanks a spoon against the frozen milk.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 March 2015
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Favourite cuisines

A prison inmate’s favourite cuisine is Cajun.

A dominatrix’s favourite cuisine: Thai.

A bridgesbuilder’s favourite: Spanish.

Race car driver’s favourite: Russian.

Track and field star’s favourite: Polish.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

A woman places an ad in the lo...

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 April 2015
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Don't confuse my personality with my attitude

Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who i am. My attitude depends on who you are.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

An HMO Manager at the Pearly Gates

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven.
St. Peter asked them to identify themselves
. One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities."
St. Peter said, "You can enter.
"The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves."
St. Peter also invited him in.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care."
St. Peter said, "You can come in, too.

"But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

At NC State University, the...

At NC State University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry.

They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time. However, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Raleigh until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to return Sunday to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldnÂ’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: For 95 points: Which tire?

#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 11 December 2009
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (53)

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