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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 30 June 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 30 June 2022

Stuff Happens

Tao: Stuff happens.Catholicism: If stuff happens, you deserved it.Protestantism: Let stuff happen to somebody else.Judasim: Why does stuff always happen to us?Islam: Stuff happens according to the will of Allah.Buddhism: The stuff is an illusion.Zen: What is the sound of stuff happening?Hinduism: This stuff happened before.Mormonism: This stuff should multiply.Baha'i Faith: Stuff happens in a progressive manner.Agnosticism: I'm not sure about this stuff.Atheism: That stuff about the stuff is all just made up stuff.Jonestown: Forget about the stuff and just drink the Kool-Aid.-
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

The school of agriculture's d

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
#joke #father
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

She Called Him Average

My son’s math teacher called him average...
I just think he’s mean.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 June 2019
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

Skydiving

Ole was to learn skydiving. He was told that shortly after jumping out of the plane he was to pull the short rip cord and that will open a small parachute which will open the large chute and if by chance the large chute fails to open, he should pull the other cord which will open the large parachute. He was told that a car will be on the ground to take him back to the airport.

Ole jumps out of the plane and proceeds to pull the first cord. The small chute doesn't open so he pulls the last cord and the large parachute doesn't open either. Ole thinks to himself, "It will be just my luck that the car won't be there either"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 July 2016
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

Quick fire drinks

Guy walks into a bar and says, "Quick, give me three shots of your finest whiskey!"

The bartender pours the shots and the man downs them as quickly as he can.

Bartender says, "What was that about?" Guy says,

"You'd do the same if you had what I have."

Bartender: "What's that?"

Guy: "70 cents."

#joke #short #walksintoabar #drinks #whiskey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 March 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Fitting into size-19 shoes is ...

Fitting into size-19 shoes is the greatest feet imaginable.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 April 2011
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (11)

There were two buddies, one wi...

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
#joke #animal #dog #pet #chihuahua
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 June 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (69)

If you can see Chuck Norris, h...

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (56)

The very high health care costs

Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 June 2010
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (51)

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


A few guppies short of an aquarium.
A few inches short of a foot/yard.
A few kernels short of an ear.
A few kopeks short of a ruble.
A few links shy of a chain.
A few measures short of a staff.
A few open splices.
A few peas short of a pod/casserole.
A few pickles short of a jar.
A few pies short of a holiday.
A few planes short of an Air Force / hangar.
A few points short of a polygon.
A few revisions behind.
A few sandwiches/apples/ants short of a picnic.
A few screws loose.
#joke #food #peas #pie
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (50)

Bill Burr: Rednecks to Afghanistan

Rednecks are like Americas pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- itll scare the hell out of them.
#joke #short #animal #bull #redneck
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (46)

Match

A redneck farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store. "Heya, Wilbur," said Sam, the store owner. "Tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?"
"You betcha, Sam. Ain't no 'tother way. Why?"
"Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a Match."
'Match? Never heard of it."
"Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this," Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants."
"Huh. Well, that's something, but that ain't for me, Sam."
"Well, why not?"
"I can't be walking twelve miles to borrow your pants every time I want a fire."    

#joke #redneck
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 December 2014
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Texas Traffic

I was on vacation in Texas, and was appalled by Dallas' chaotic traffic.
I asked the bellhop at the hotel why it was so disorderly.
"In some countries, they drive on the right, in others on the left. Here, we drive in the shade."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.30/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (20)

A farmer is sitting in the nei...

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
#joke #animal #cow #drinks #milk
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 November 2016
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (15)

Blonde in a Pet Store

A blonde lady in the pet shop asks about buying a gold fish.
The salesperson ask if she needed an aquarium.
Her reply, 'I don't care what sign it is.'

#joke #short #blonde #animal #pet #fish
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 August 2018
  • Currently 5.62/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (34)

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