Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 06 December 2022
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 06 December 2022 |
Hear that the Mafia is trying
Hear that the Mafia is trying to lose its tough-guy image?Hindu Happy Birthday
![Hindu Happy Birthday](/jokes-archive/2022/12/06/Hindu-Happy-Birthday.jpg.400.jpg)
A: May you have many happy returns.
Only one kiss per yard
![Only one kiss per yard](/jokes-archive/2016/12/23/Only-one-kiss-per-yard.jpg.400.jpg)
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.
"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
Early Dementia Test
![Early Dementia Test](/jokes-archive/2015/10/04/Early-Dementia-Test.jpg.400.jpg)
It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk"
What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks , what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the heck are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on . In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
A Guy was staying in a fancy h...
![A Guy was staying in a fancy h...](/jokes-archive/2009/12/06/A-Guy-was-staying-in-a-fancy-h-.jpg.400.jpg)
"Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that."
"True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board."
What Will The Neighbors Think?
![What Will The Neighbors Think?](/jokes-archive/2013/12/06/What-Will-The-Neighbors-Think-3F.jpg.400.jpg)
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
Finally, the good-natured boss...
![Finally, the good-natured boss...](/jokes-archive/2009/12/06/Finally-2C-the-good-natured-boss-.jpg.400.jpg)
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith, "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"
Carlos Mencia: Super-Fence
![Carlos Mencia: Super-Fence](/jokes-archive/2011/12/06/Carlos-Mencia-3A-Super-Fence.jpg.400.jpg)
He Remembered
A Canadian tourist is fascinated by the Native American way of life and culture, so he decides to visit a reservation in the United States to find out more.
After a long and dusty drive through the Arizona desert, he finally arrives at the reservation.
Soon after his arrival, the tourist meets an old chief, who claims to remember everything that ever happened in his life.
The tourist is curious and asks the chief: “What did you have for breakfast on your fifth birthday?”Without hesitation, the chief replies: “eggs”.
The tourist was very impressed by this, and he never forgot the chief’s words, even after his visit had long since ended.
Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again.
He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with “how”.
“Scrambled,” the old chief replied.
A Burglar Is In Big Trouble
![A Burglar Is In Big Trouble](/jokes-archive/2014/11/02/-C2-A0A-Burglar-Is-In-Big-Trouble.jpg.400.jpg)
A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.
"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"
To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"
Fear of alligators
![Fear of alligators](/jokes-archive/2015/05/02/Fear-of-alligators.jpg.400.jpg)
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."
When someone says to me great minds think alike
![When someone says to me great minds think alike](/jokes-archive/2016/06/17/When-someone-says-to-me-great-minds-think-alike.jpg.400.jpg)
Your Wife Just Fell Out
![Your Wife Just Fell Out](/jokes-archive/2017/01/30/Your-Wife-Just-Fell-Out.jpg.400.jpg)
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"