Jokes of the day for Saturday, 26 August 2023
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 26 August 2023 |
Video Pun of the Day
#joke #short
Two Things A Child Will Share
![Two Things A Child Will Share](/jokes-archive/2023/08/26/Two-Things-A-Child-Will-Share.jpg.400.jpg)
There are only two things in the world that a child will willingly share...
A communicable diseases and mom's age.
Looking Heavenward
![Looking Heavenward](/jokes-archive/2022/11/28/Looking-Heavenward.jpg.400.jpg)
On Exercising
![On Exercising](/jokes-archive/2017/09/19/On-Exercising.jpg.400.jpg)
2 - The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
3 - I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4 - I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
5 - I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6 - I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7 - I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8 - The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
9 - If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country.
10 - I don't jog; it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
and last but not least....
It is well documented that for every mile that you jog..... you add one minute to your life .... This enables you, at 85 years old.... to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
Tig: Where Would You Go?
![Tig: Where Would You Go?](/jokes-archive/2010/08/26/Tig-3A-Where-Would-You-Go-3F.jpg.400.jpg)
Talking Frog
![Talking Frog](/jokes-archive/2013/03/20/Talking-Frog.jpg.400.jpg)
A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
Friendship isn't about who you know
![Friendship isn't about who you know](/jokes-archive/2016/02/21/Friendship-isn-8217-t-about-who-you-know.jpg.400.jpg)
Bike
![Bike](/jokes-archive/2016/08/09/Bike.jpg.400.jpg)
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives to be civilized and kind to each other when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
Arj Barker: 4th of July
![Arj Barker: 4th of July](/jokes-archive/2010/07/04/Arj-Barker-3A-4th-of-July.jpg.400.jpg)
Irritated with everything
![Irritated with everything](/jokes-archive/2016/10/03/Irritated-with-everything.jpg.400.jpg)
Joan & Bob had been married 50 yrs when...
![Joan & Bob had been married 50 yrs when...](/jokes-archive/2017/10/29/Joan-Bob-had-been-married-50-yrs-when-.jpg.400.jpg)
Gin Jokes - to celebrate World Gin Day
![Gin Jokes - to celebrate World Gin Day](/jokes-archive/2023/06/10/Gin-Jokes-to-celebrate-World-Gin-Day.jpg.400.jpg)
Second Saturday in June is World Gin Day. Celebrate it with short jokes
They say gin can damage your short-term memory.
If that's the case, just imagine what gin can do.
I love water -
especially when it's frozen in cubes and surrounded by gin.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar -
and orders a gin, and tonic.
I tried to say no to gin -
but it's 42.5% stronger than me
A true friend reaches for your hand …
and puts a glass of gin in it.
Charles Dickens: A martini please.
Bartender: Olive or twist?
A gorilla goes up to a bar and asks for a gin and tonic.
The bartender makes the G&T and says: "That'll be £20 - and I must say we don't get many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies: "With prices like that, I'm not surprised."
Woman: I love you.
Man: Is that you or the gin talking?
Woman: It's me talking to the gin.
Don't cry over spilt milk:
it could have been gin.
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin.
Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass
"Trust me you can dance."
- Gin
PLEASE DRINK GIN RESPONSIBLY.
Don't spill it.
Neutron: How much is a G&T?
Bartender: For you - no charge.
I'm on a gin and tonic diet:
I lost three days last week.