Jokes of the day for Friday, 26 January 2024
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 26 January 2024 |
Wishes That Won't Last
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.They all line up, and God asks the first person what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." God snaps his fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous, too." God snaps his fingers again and the wish is granted.This goes on for a while, with each one asking to be gorgeous. When God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, still laughing.Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says, "Make them all ugly again."-Mark the spot...
Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake.
They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, "Verna Lou, sweet thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we'll go home."
On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, "Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are so next time I'll know?"
"Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right down closest to the water."
"Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seen you do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the same boat the next time!"
Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water
I took a dump in a toilet with no water. I had to tell my friends, Yeah, I dropped the kids off at the skate park. Love and Cherish till …..
A husband died. A few weeks later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband. She ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
'Darling, how I've missed you!'
The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, 'Whoa there woman, the contract was until death!'
Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards
They have a section called, New Baby. I dont think you need the word new. Theyd have to clear up confusion. Do you have an Old Baby section? Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and hes 12. Leaving Dan In My Will
A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
'To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,' the attorney reads.
'To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.'
'And finally,' the lawyer concludes, 'to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!'
Getting tough
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, he would extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After awhile, he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
Deciding what Christ...
“Deciding what Christmas gifts to give makes one present tense.”
A man asked his wife...
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.
At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
No Church
I have always questioned if Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were really preachers since they have no church.When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Houston Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about..........
I sat down and Sharpton came up to me, I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church.
He laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."
I told him I was not paralyzed.
He came back and laid his hands on me again, and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.
After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold, my f!**king car had been stolen!
Visit to the museum
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."
