Popular jokes (16 to 30)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
23 short rabbit jokes and puns
What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hop-timist.
What is a rabbit’s favorite music?
Hip-hop.
What do you call a rabbit that’s raised indoors?
An in-grown hare.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What did the rabbit give his girlfriend?
A 14-carrot ring.
Where do rabbits work?
At IHOP.
How do you know a rabbit is in a good mood?
He’s hoppy.
How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.
What do you call a bunny transformer?
Hop-timus Prime.
Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.
How does the Easter bunny stay fit?
Eggsercise and hareobics.
Why did the bunnies go on strike?
Because they wanted a better celery.
What do you call 50 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What did the bunny say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you.
A friend of mine stole a rabbit.
Then he had to make a run for it.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs
a friend who is all ears.
I used to own a rabbit,
but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year.
He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch.
But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
You must be the Easter Bunny,
because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
I know a bald chap who put a rabbit on his head.
He wanted a head of hare.
Got in a lift with an animal that looked a bit like a rabbit.
It was a hare-raising experience.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns.
They are not bunny anymore.
Labor Distraction
When my wife was in labor, I would tell her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused.
It must have been the delivery.
7 Short Jokes for Your Weekend Chuckle Fest
After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains. A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You can't do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!"
What has 2 buts and kills people?
An assassin
Why did the vegan cross the road?
Ti tell someone they're a vegan!
I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!
I made a pencil with an eraser on each end.
It was pointless.
I was out drinking with my mates at a party last night, when I suddenly looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife.
Is she insecure or what?
That's an average of 6 calls a day!
What do you call it when you get a rash from nickel?
Metallurgy
Image credit Pointless pencils
7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach
What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It’s like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It’s driving me crazy! That’s all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won’t have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”.
What’s your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day!
Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it.
I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish.
Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.
10 yo-yo jokes to celebrate National yo-yo day
1. Why don't yo-yos make good friends?
- Because they always let you down!
2. What did the yo-yo say to the tightrope?
- "Now, that's what I call a string walk!"
3. How do yo-yos cheer each other up?
- They say, "Hang in there, it'll be an up and down ride!"
4. Why was the yo-yo so good at making decisions?
- It always knew how to go back and forth!
5. Why don't yo-yos work in zero gravity?
- They can't deal with the ups and downs!
6. What did the yo-yo say to the super glue?
- "I need someone who won't let go!"
7. Why was the yo-yo the life of the party?
- Because it always knew how to unwind!
8. How did the yo-yo become a successful motivational speaker?
- It always knew how to bounce back!
9. What do yo-yos say when they introduce themselves?
- "I’m not as up-tight as I appear!"
10. Why was the yo-yo accused of being a spy?
- Because it always goes undercover!
7 short jokes for a good Tuesday
I asked my friend when his birthday was, and he said, "March 1st".
So I walked around the room like a soldier and asked him again.
I left my job today. I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me.
He said: "you’re fired."
My wife and I were walking through the park today and we passed a large groups of nuns.
I said wow what an opportunity for a joke, but I’ve got none.
Daughter: "How do I look, Dad?"
Me: "With your eyes, sweetie."
A dad went into his 13 yr old daughter's bedroom to find her smoking.
"How long have you been smoking?" he shouted.
"Since I lost my virginity," she replied.
"You lost your VIRGINITY?" he shrieked. "When the hell did this happen?"
The daughter replied, "No idea, I was drunk!"
A sweet old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He eats a few and asks her why she isn't having any herself.
"Oh they're too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn't."
"Why did you buy them all then?" wonders the driver.
"You see, I just love the chocolate they're covered in!"
"Come into the bedroom and I'll show you a good time," I said to the wife.
When she came up I showed her pictures of me and my mates before I met her!
Fridge Jokes
June 26th is World Refrigeration Day! Find jokes about it!
What do you call an encyclopedia in the fridge?
Cold, hard facts.
What do you get if you cross a stereo and a fridge?
Very cool music.
Why is cold milk always so relaxed?
Because it chills in the fridge.
What did the ranch say to the refrigerator?
Close the door, I'm dressing.
What’s the easiest way to get a six-pack at the gym?
Take the beer from your fridge and smuggle it in.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What is blue, white and cant climb mountains?
A fridge wearing a denim jacket.
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.
Why did the man throw the contents of his fridge out of the window?
He wanted to see the butterfly.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Is your refrigerator running?
Mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.
How come the fridge is always emotionally stable?
Because it’s always chill.
What do you call something that runs but never gets anywhere?
A fridge.
Why was the blonde sitting in the fridge?
Because the label on her juice said to refrigerate after opening.
#RefrigerationDay #WorldRefrigerationDay
Chuck Norris can actually brea...
Chuck Norris can actually breath fire.Love Me After Marriage
A married couple were quarreling.
Wife: You said you would love me more after marriage?
Husband: I did, but I didn't think you would say yes.
Axe jokes - to celebrate International Ax-Throwing Day
June the 13th is International Ax-Throwing Day! Check out some Axe jokes!
Why did the tree go to the barber?
Because it needed a trim and ax.
Why did the lumberjack break up with his girlfriend?
She had too many axes.
Why did the lumberjack become a musician?
He had a knack for chopping the charts, not just logs.
Why was the lumberjack at the computer?
He wanted to log in.
What does a tree say to an axe?
I'm falling for you.
Why did the axe go to school?
To become a little sharper.
How does an axe win a debate?
With cutting remarks.
Why did the axe go to the doctor?
It had a splitting head.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet?
An axe-ident.
What did the woodcutter say to the tree?
May I axe you something?
Do you hear about the lumberjack who lost his job today?
His manager just gave him the axe.
Why was the spreadsheet afraid of the chart?
Because it had multiple axes.
How can you tell that an axe thrower loves his assistant?
He always misses her.
What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working?
A miner inconvenience.
What's the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job?
You get the axe when you’re hired not fired.
Where does a lumberjack buy his axes?
At the Chopping Maul.
I was really disappointed when the axe I bought to climb trees with ended up being useless.
It was a total anti-climb axe.
Both Sides Of The Law
A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"
"How should I know?" the man answers, "I'm not a lawyer!"
Blood-related jokes, donate blood with a smile
14 June is World Blood Donor Day. Donate blood! Raise awareness using blood-related jokes.
Why don't vampires ever get sick?
Because they always keep their blood type B-positive!
What did the hematologist do to break the ice at the party?
She started a "type O" personality conversation!
Why did the red blood cell break up with the white blood cell?
Because she found out he was too infectious!
Why do vampires believe in life after death?
Because they know it's all in vein!
Why did the vampire go to art school?
Because he wanted to draw blood!
What’s a blood cell’s favorite kind of music?
Anything but heavy metal… it’s too much iron!
Why did the blood cell get a ticket?
It didn’t stop at the red light!
What's a vampire's least favorite city?
Venice... too much garlic and holy water!
How do you know if a vampire has a cold?
He starts coffin!
Why did the white blood cell go to the party?
Because it was immune to peer pressure!
Ineffective Pain Pills
"Evidently, my pain pills are not working."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, you're still here."
His True Love
"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"
"Sir, I’m sorry, this is a brewery!"
"Oh, I know…"
