Popular jokes (16 to 30)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Some short Labor Day Jokes
First Monday in September is Labor Day, enjoy Monday Off.
I had a joke about Labor Day...
unfortunately it didn’t work out
Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?
It really doesn’t work for me.
What’s a laborer’s favorite exercise?
“Work-outs!”
Have some jokes during 3 day weekend and check out some older Older Labor day jokes Read more on page:
Why do locksmiths work on Labor Day?Because they are key workers.
Why is it cheap to have zombie employees?
Because they don’t need a living wage.
What did the employee say at the end of the long weekend?
I guess it’s back to the grind!
What do you usually do on Labour Day?
As little as possible, just like every day!
Memorial Day jokes for 2024
Observed on the last Monday in May every year, Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States that honors and remembers those who have died while serving in the military.
Enjoy these light-hearted jokes to add some fun to your Memorial Day!
Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the barbecue?
He wanted to raise the steaks!
What do army guys say when they forget Memorial Day?
Ah, shoot!
What is your favorite Memorial Day tradition?
Spilling BBQ sauce on white pants.
Which day do Alzheimer's patients forget?
Memorial Day.
A small boy was staring at the names on a wall.
The pastor explained,
"They are those who died in the service."
The boy asked,
"The 9 o'clock service or the 11 o'clock?"
What's a cow's favorite Memorial Day activity?
Going to the moo-vies!
Why are there no knock-knock jokes on Memorial Day?
Because freedom rings!
Did you hear about the man who got his car's AC fixed after Memorial Day?
He came back singing "Freon isn't Free."
Why don't soldiers play hide and seek on Memorial Day?
Because good luck hiding when everyone's off duty!
What is the best Memorial Day Sales pitch?
To remember the millions of brave soldiers who died for our country, we're giving you 30% off on all corduroy pants and toaster ovens.
What's the favorite thing about Memorial Day for employees?
Saying to co-workers, "See you next Tuesday."
What do army guys read on Memorial Day?
Magazine.
On Memorial Day, the teacher asked the students, "Do you know why God created wars?"
Someone among students: To teach us, geography?!
How can you offend a close relative of a fallen soldier on Memorial Day?
Wish them "Happy Memorial Day."
Do you know that The Air Force is the most patriotic arm of the US military?
Because they're USAF.
What fruit do soldiers hate?
The Pommegranade.
In the military, how do you refer to children?
Infantry.
28 Morbidly Amusing Dark Humor Jokes to Tickle Your Macabre Side
If you find these jokes funny, something is probably wrong with you!
I was digging in the garden and happened to find a chest with a lot of gold coins.
I wanted to run home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
The doctor gave me one month to live, so I shot him with my gun.
The judge gave me 15 years.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, anyway he won't come.
Cremation is my final hope for a smoking-hot body.
What's the last thing in a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 100 mph?
It's behind.
What's worse than biting an apple and then discovering a worm?
Biting the apple, then discovering half a worm.
When ordering dinner at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepared their chicken.
He explained.
"We just tell them they're going to die."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away only if you throw it hard enough.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where their home is.
Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous.
It's nice to see new faces here today!
Why can't you have a book on how to commit suicide in a library?
Because you wouldn't return it back.
What makes sad people jump?
Bridges.
I don't have any carbon footprint.
I drive everywhere.
I wished to die, but then I got a job.
Now I want to pass out.
What do you call a bacterial disease that is caused by two grizzlies?
Twobearculosis.
My doctor told me to stop eating red meat,
so now I dye it orange.
Why are overweight babysitters an awful idea?
The babies always get crushed when they sit on them.
How do you stop a baby from choking?
Let go of his neck.
When I see the lovers' names written on a tree, I don't find it romantic or cute.
I find it weird how people would take knives on their dates.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
A dark joke is like food,
which many people don't get.
If you think I am joking about Alzheimer's,
forget it.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
It's important to have a perfect vocabulary.
If I had known to distinguish between anecdote and antidote, one of my good friends would still be alive.
You're not useless.
You can always be used as a bad example.
I have jokes about unemployed people,
but sadly, none work.
What did the frog say at his puppeteer's funeral?
Not a word.
Have some fun with 'addicted' jokes
I'm addicted to seaweed.
I must seek kelp.
My friend is addicted to drinking ink.
It's a dyer situation.
I've been reading a book on anti-gravity, and now I'm addicted.
I can't put it down!
I used to be addicted to eating soap.
But I'm clean now.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese,
although it's only mild.
Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!..
He kept nudging me.
A bunch of batteries were gathering around in a circle.
I guess they were having an AA-meeting.
They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.
My money's on Dave.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.
m embarrassed to say I got addicted to shoplifting but only from the bottom shelves in the supermarket.
How could I stoop so low?
I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years.
I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously.
Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets and the mats.
Police think it was the work of rug addicts.
23 short rabbit jokes and puns
What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hop-timist.
What is a rabbit’s favorite music?
Hip-hop.
What do you call a rabbit that’s raised indoors?
An in-grown hare.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What did the rabbit give his girlfriend?
A 14-carrot ring.
Where do rabbits work?
At IHOP.
How do you know a rabbit is in a good mood?
He’s hoppy.
How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.
What do you call a bunny transformer?
Hop-timus Prime.
Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.
How does the Easter bunny stay fit?
Eggsercise and hareobics.
Why did the bunnies go on strike?
Because they wanted a better celery.
What do you call 50 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What did the bunny say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you.
A friend of mine stole a rabbit.
Then he had to make a run for it.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs
a friend who is all ears.
I used to own a rabbit,
but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year.
He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch.
But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
You must be the Easter Bunny,
because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
I know a bald chap who put a rabbit on his head.
He wanted a head of hare.
Got in a lift with an animal that looked a bit like a rabbit.
It was a hare-raising experience.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns.
They are not bunny anymore.
Six Quick Jokes to Kickstart Your Week with a Smile
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
I already have like 50 wooden balls already.
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym yesterday.
That's 8 years in a row now.
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything!
I have a contact lens problem.
I have no contact lens solution.
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.”
I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
Blood-related jokes, donate blood with a smile
14 June is World Blood Donor Day. Donate blood! Raise awareness using blood-related jokes.
Why don't vampires ever get sick?
Because they always keep their blood type B-positive!
What did the hematologist do to break the ice at the party?
She started a "type O" personality conversation!
Why did the red blood cell break up with the white blood cell?
Because she found out he was too infectious!
Why do vampires believe in life after death?
Because they know it's all in vein!
Why did the vampire go to art school?
Because he wanted to draw blood!
What’s a blood cell’s favorite kind of music?
Anything but heavy metal… it’s too much iron!
Why did the blood cell get a ticket?
It didn’t stop at the red light!
What's a vampire's least favorite city?
Venice... too much garlic and holy water!
How do you know if a vampire has a cold?
He starts coffin!
Why did the white blood cell go to the party?
Because it was immune to peer pressure!
True Love
Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"
Nut Jokes, to celebrate National Nut Day
National Nut Day is celebrated annually on October 22. Celebrate it with some jokes!
What did one nut say to the nut it was chasing?
"I'm a cashew!"
Why did the nut go to the doctor?
It was feeling a little nutty.
What do you call a nut that sneezes?
A cashew!
How do you make a walnut laugh?
You crack it up!
Why did the peanut get in trouble?
It was acting like a real nutcase.
What did the pecan say to the walnut?
"We're friends because we're both nuts!"
Why are almonds always optimistic?
They always see the glass as half full of nuts.
What is a squirrel's favorite streaming service?
Nut-flix.
Why did the nut go to school?
To become a little smarter.
Why did the squirrel dismantle the clock?
To get to the nuts inside.
What did the nut exclaim when it sneezed?
"Cashew!"
Why did the nut blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why are nuts so bad at getting along?
They always drive each other nuts.
What do you call a nut in space?
An astro-nut!
Why was the peanut butter upset?
It was feeling a bit salty.
Why did the nut get a job?
It was out of cashew!
What did the nut say when it had a bad day?
"Oh, nuts!"
Why did the walnut win the race?
It was ahead of the pack.
What's a nut's favorite genre of music?
Rock 'n' roll!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew a check.
What do you call a nut with a hairy lip?
A pistachio!
What do you call a nut in space?
An astronaut!
What's the best way to catch an elephant?
Hide in the grass and pretend to be a peanut.
Where's the best place to find out facts about nuts?
The inter-nut!
What noise did the nut make when it sneezed?
Cashew!
What kind of spread does the Queen like the most?
Peanut butter!
What's the most valuable kind of nut?
A cashew!
What eats nuts and bolts?
A hungry squirrel!
When do peanuts make you feel good?
When they're complimentary!
Which nut wears a bra?
A chestnut!
How do you know if someone's lost their marbles?
They start playing with their nuts instead.
What's the most expensive nut?
An almond leg!
Which nuts are small, brown and hang from branches?
Monkey nuts!
What nuts can you wear on your feet?
Cashews!
Why did the squirrel sit in the same spot all winter?
He'd buried his nuts there.
Which nut cries the most?
An assaulted peanut!
What's the most common name for girl peanuts?
Michelle!
Did you hear the joke about the peanut, pistachio and cashew?
It was nut funny!
What did the nut chasing another nut say?
I'm going to cashew!
Why did the motorist spread peanut butter on the road?
So they'd have something to go with the traffic jam!
Axe jokes - to celebrate International Ax-Throwing Day
June the 13th is International Ax-Throwing Day! Check out some Axe jokes!
Why did the tree go to the barber?
Because it needed a trim and ax.
Why did the lumberjack break up with his girlfriend?
She had too many axes.
Why did the lumberjack become a musician?
He had a knack for chopping the charts, not just logs.
Why was the lumberjack at the computer?
He wanted to log in.
What does a tree say to an axe?
I'm falling for you.
Why did the axe go to school?
To become a little sharper.
How does an axe win a debate?
With cutting remarks.
Why did the axe go to the doctor?
It had a splitting head.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet?
An axe-ident.
What did the woodcutter say to the tree?
May I axe you something?
Do you hear about the lumberjack who lost his job today?
His manager just gave him the axe.
Why was the spreadsheet afraid of the chart?
Because it had multiple axes.
How can you tell that an axe thrower loves his assistant?
He always misses her.
What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working?
A miner inconvenience.
What's the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job?
You get the axe when you’re hired not fired.
Where does a lumberjack buy his axes?
At the Chopping Maul.
I was really disappointed when the axe I bought to climb trees with ended up being useless.
It was a total anti-climb axe.
Piercing Jokes
June 28th is International Body Piercing Day! Find joke about it!
A man walked into a bar... and a table... and a chair.
Because he had so many piercings in his face he could hardly see where he was going!
How did the blind woman pierce her ear?
Answering the stapler.
How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
What do you call an actor that can put a hole in anything?
Pierce Brosnan.
How much do pirates charge to pierce someone's ears?
A buck an ear.
Why do blondes pierce their Belly Button?
Somewhere to hang the air freshener.
#internationalbodypiercingday #piercingday
7 Short Jokes for Your Weekend Chuckle Fest
After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains. A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You can't do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!"
What has 2 buts and kills people?
An assassin
Why did the vegan cross the road?
Ti tell someone they're a vegan!
I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!
I made a pencil with an eraser on each end.
It was pointless.
I was out drinking with my mates at a party last night, when I suddenly looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife.
Is she insecure or what?
That's an average of 6 calls a day!
What do you call it when you get a rash from nickel?
Metallurgy
Image credit Pointless pencils
