Popular jokes (16 to 30)

7 Short Jokes for Your Weekend Chuckle Fest

After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains. A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You can't do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!"

What has 2 buts and kills people?
An assassin

Why did the vegan cross the road?
Ti tell someone they're a vegan!

I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!

I made a pencil with an eraser on each end.
It was pointless.

I was out drinking with my mates at a party last night, when I suddenly looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife.
Is she insecure or what?
That's an average of 6 calls a day!

What do you call it when you get a rash from nickel?
Metallurgy

Image credit Pointless pencils

7 short Jokes for the Weekend's Approach

What do clouds wear underneath their pants?
Thunderwear.

What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.

He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It’s like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It’s driving me crazy! That’s all I think about all day”.
Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won’t have any of those dreams any longer.”
Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”.

What’s your net worth?
However many fish it catches that day!

Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.
Poor thing choked to death on it.

I told my neighbours they could eat whatever they wanted when they housesat for me.
Damn, I miss that goldfish.

Did you hear about the bartender that pushed his wife off a cliff? He made a Bloody Mary on the rocks.

23 short rabbit jokes and puns

What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hop-timist.

What is a rabbit’s favorite music?
Hip-hop.

What do you call a rabbit that’s raised indoors?
An in-grown hare.

What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.

What did the rabbit give his girlfriend?
A 14-carrot ring.

Where do rabbits work?
At IHOP.

How do you know a rabbit is in a good mood?
He’s hoppy.

How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.

What do you call a bunny transformer?
Hop-timus Prime.

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.

How does the Easter bunny stay fit?
Eggsercise and hareobics.

Why did the bunnies go on strike?
Because they wanted a better celery.

What do you call 50 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.

What did the bunny say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you.

A friend of mine stole a rabbit.
Then he had to make a run for it.

I bought a bunny because everyone needs
a friend who is all ears.

I used to own a rabbit,
but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.

The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year.
He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.

I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch.
But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.

You must be the Easter Bunny,
because you’ve got me all egg-cited.

I know a bald chap who put a rabbit on his head.
He wanted a head of hare.

Got in a lift with an animal that looked a bit like a rabbit.
It was a hare-raising experience.

I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns.
They are not bunny anymore.

7 short jokes for a good Tuesday

I asked my friend when his birthday was, and he said, "March 1st".
So I walked around the room like a soldier and asked him again.

I left my job today. I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me.
He said: "you’re fired."

My wife and I were walking through the park today and we passed a large groups of nuns.
I said wow what an opportunity for a joke, but I’ve got none.

Daughter: "How do I look, Dad?"
Me: "With your eyes, sweetie."

A dad went into his 13 yr old daughter's bedroom to find her smoking.
"How long have you been smoking?" he shouted.
"Since I lost my virginity," she replied.
"You lost your VIRGINITY?" he shrieked. "When the hell did this happen?"
The daughter replied, "No idea, I was drunk!"

A sweet old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He eats a few and asks her why she isn't having any herself.
"Oh they're too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn't."
"Why did you buy them all then?" wonders the driver.
"You see, I just love the chocolate they're covered in!"

"Come into the bedroom and I'll show you a good time," I said to the wife.
When she came up I showed her pictures of me and my mates before I met her!

Some short Labor Day Jokes

First Monday in September is Labor Day, enjoy Monday Off.

I had a joke about Labor Day...
unfortunately it didn’t work out

Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?
It really doesn’t work for me.

What’s a laborer’s favorite exercise?
“Work-outs!”

Have some jokes during 3 day weekend and check out some older Older Labor day jokes Read more on page:

Why is it cheap to have zombie employees?
Because they don’t need a living wage.

What did the employee say at the end of the long weekend?
I guess it’s back to the grind!

What do you usually do on Labour Day?
As little as possible, just like every day!

Love Me After Marriage

A married couple were quarreling.
Wife: You said you would love me more after marriage?
Husband: I did, but I didn't think you would say yes.

Funny Friday the 13th Jokes to Brighten Your Day

On Friday the 13th, I dreamt that a horse in armor was chasing me.
It was a Knightmare.

What’s the scariest thing to do on Friday the 13th?
Check your bank account.

Read more on page: 22 Friday The 13th Jokes

I don't have to be Freddie Krueger...
to be the man of your dreams.

Monday the 13th
sounds much worse than Friday the 13th.

Why don't mathematicians fear Friday the 13th?
Because they know it's just another irrational fear.

Both Sides Of The Law

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"
"How should I know?" the man answers, "I'm not a lawyer!"

Ineffective Pain Pills

"Evidently, my pain pills are not working."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, you're still here."

Chuck Norris can actually brea...

10 yo-yo jokes to celebrate National yo-yo day

1. Why don't yo-yos make good friends?
- Because they always let you down!

2. What did the yo-yo say to the tightrope?
- "Now, that's what I call a string walk!"

3. How do yo-yos cheer each other up?
- They say, "Hang in there, it'll be an up and down ride!"

4. Why was the yo-yo so good at making decisions?
- It always knew how to go back and forth!

5. Why don't yo-yos work in zero gravity?
- They can't deal with the ups and downs!

6. What did the yo-yo say to the super glue?
- "I need someone who won't let go!"

7. Why was the yo-yo the life of the party?
- Because it always knew how to unwind!

8. How did the yo-yo become a successful motivational speaker?
- It always knew how to bounce back!

9. What do yo-yos say when they introduce themselves?
- "I’m not as up-tight as I appear!"

10. Why was the yo-yo accused of being a spy?
- Because it always goes undercover!

His True Love

"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"
"Sir, I’m sorry, this is a brewery!"
"Oh, I know…"

Axe jokes - to celebrate International Ax-Throwing Day

June the 13th is International Ax-Throwing Day! Check out some Axe jokes!

Why did the tree go to the barber?
Because it needed a trim and ax.

Why did the lumberjack break up with his girlfriend?
She had too many axes.

Why did the lumberjack become a musician?
He had a knack for chopping the charts, not just logs.

Why was the lumberjack at the computer?
He wanted to log in.

What does a tree say to an axe?
I'm falling for you.

Why did the axe go to school?
To become a little sharper.

How does an axe win a debate?
With cutting remarks.

Why did the axe go to the doctor?
It had a splitting head.

What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet?
An axe-ident.

What did the woodcutter say to the tree?
May I axe you something?

Do you hear about the lumberjack who lost his job today?
His manager just gave him the axe.

Why was the spreadsheet afraid of the chart?
Because it had multiple axes.

How can you tell that an axe thrower loves his assistant?
He always misses her.

What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working?
A miner inconvenience.

What's the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job?
You get the axe when you’re hired not fired.

Where does a lumberjack buy his axes?
At the Chopping Maul.

I was really disappointed when the axe I bought to climb trees with ended up being useless.
It was a total anti-climb axe.

Hospitalized Painter

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
His doctor says it was due to too many strokes.

Actuary vs. Mafia

What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year.
A mafia actuary can name them.