Popular jokes (31 to 45)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
His True Love
"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"
"Sir, I’m sorry, this is a brewery!"
"Oh, I know…"
Corgi Jokes - to celebrate International Corgi Day
We celebrate International Corgi Day on June the 4th. Get involved in International Corgi Day, tell a Corgi Joke!
Q: Why are most corgi jokes such bad jokes?
A: Because they’re too short.
Q: What do you call a corgi that is overweight?
A: Low-fat
Q: Why do corgis react so violently when their food is touched?
A: Because they have a short fuse.
Q: What do you call a corgi owner who instructs his canine companion in dance?
A: A corgi-o-grapher.
Q: How do corgis unlock doors?
A: By using a Corg-key
Q: When it’s cold outside, what does a corgi wear?
A: The cordigan
Q: What do you call a dog from New Mexico?
A: An Albu-corgi.
Q: Why are corgis such excellent hunting companions?
A: They are in-corg-nito because concealment is not necessary.
Q: Why do corgis enjoy going to the mall?
A: Because they want their tail to come back.
Q: What occurs when a corgi is connected to a battery?
A: A short circuit occurs.
Q: If a corgi dresses up as one of the Avengers for Halloween, what would you call him?
A: One Thorgi.
Q: When other dogs eat their food, why do corgis grow aggressive?
A: Because they are short-tempered dogs.
Q: Why did the corgi sit in the shade on a hot day?
A: Because it didn’t want to be a “hot dog.”
The Future of Technology
I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter spoke up.
“You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”
Safety and Health at Work Day Jokes
April 28th is World Day for Safety and Health at Work! Find some jokes about it:
Danger is my middle name
but Safety first.
Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?
He felt it was a tripping hazard.
BMW recalls 300,000 due to one safety hazard...
The drivers.
I've started wearing a bike helmet, cause I find safety important. Now people stare and make fun of me. I'll never go to that spinning class again.
Some Safet quotes
If you think professional safety officers are expensive,wait until you see what an amateur costs
Follow the safety rules or you will be fired before you hit the ground
“In case of fire, exit building before tweeting about it.”
You’ll look pretty stupid trying to eat corn on the cob with no teeth
While on a ladder, never step back to admire your work
Ladder safety has it’s ups and downs.
Don’t watch her behind. Keep safety in mind!
Safety’s OK if you got all day.
Our aim is to keep the toilets clean – your aim will help!
When safety is a factor, call in a contractor.
Work Safely and Carry a Big Lunch Box
Be Safe at Work Today; Call In Sick
If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane
Actuary vs. Mafia
What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year.
A mafia actuary can name them.
107 Funny Christmas Jokes and Puns 2023
Christmas jokes and puns from 2023, although some older jokes might slip through
If these 107 Christmas jokes is not enough for you, please find lot more of Christmas jokes in our Christmas jokes collection
- What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed? Cookie sheets!
- What's Santa Claus's favourite track & field event? North Pole-vaulting!
- That sly smile on your face has me thinking you’re up to snow good.
- I didn't think this party would be such a drag; I'm snow bored.
- What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
- What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas? This is the season to be jelly.
- What's Santa Claus's favourite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles!
- All I want for Christmas is ewe.
- I'm pine-ing for you.
- Have snow fear—Christmas is here!
- Your presents are requested.
- Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
- What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
- I bought my son a refrigerator for Xmas – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
- The moment you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
- This fire is so cozy, the snuggle is real.
- I'll be ho-ho-home for Xmas.
- A round of Santa-plause, please.
- Happy howlidays! Hope Santa Paws brings you lots of treats.
- Sending you pugs and kisses this Christmas.
- Who delivers Christmas presents to pets? Santa Paws.
- Yappy Holidays and a Happy New Year.
- Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
- These decorations are tree-mendous.
- I only have ice for you.
- It is ice to meet you.
- Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
- How do dogs sing jingle bells? Dachshund through the snow…
- Merry Xmas. Hope it’s not too ruff!
- How do Chihuahuas say merry Christmas? iFleas Navidog.
- What did the dog say to the Xmas tree? Bark.
- Santa’s little yelper wants to wish you a Merry Christmas.
- Why was the dog upset about the Xmas tree? He was not even allowed to bring sticks into the house.
- Someone’s barking up the wrong Christmas tree.
- Paws a moment this Christmas to reflect on what the season is all about!
- What do you call a wet dog with a bell on his collar? Jingle smells!
- It is never chew late to wish you a Happy Holidays.
- If you’re lucky this Xmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.
- That look soots you.
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.
- Children who don’t learn to tie their shoes properly are bound to wind up on the knotty list.
- It is the most wonderful time for a beer.
- The festive season has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
- How do dogs decorate for Xmas? They deck the paws with bows of collie.
- What do you do when it’s raining cats and dogs? Nothing; as long as it does not reindeer.
- You sleigh me.
- I’ll never fir-get.
- In 2020, the best gift will be hand Santa-tizer.
- You’re the best person I snow.
- It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
- I love when candy canes are in mint condition.
- Rebel without a Claus.
- You’re my soul Santa.
- What do snowmen eat for lunch? Ice burgers!
- What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.
- What do you call an old snowman? Water.
- Where do snowmen keep money? In a snow bank.
- What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May? A puddle!
- Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners? Rude-alph!
- Why didn't the skeleton go to the Yule party? He had no-body to go with.
- What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck? A Xmas Quacker!
- What type of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas.
- When I think about you, I touch my elf.
- He is a fungi to be with.
- Eat, drink, and be tacky.
- I got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It’s a real stocking filler!
- You’ve got balls coming in here dressed like that.
- What is the worst Christmas present? A broken drum, you can't beat it.
- Did you hear about the mall Santa who lost his job? He was fired for Clause.
- What do you call people who are afraid of Santa clause? Claustrophobic.
- How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he has visited? He keeps a log book.
- Why is Santa banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.
- What do you call a cow that lives in an igloo? An eskimoo.
- Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
- What kind of linens do gingerbread men put on their beds? Cookie sheets.
- Single bells, single bells, single all the way.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They keep dropping their needles.
- Who hides in the bakery at Xmas? A mince spy.
- How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
- What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes.
- Eat, drink, and be meowy.
- Have a meowy Christmas.
- Merry catmas! Hope you have a Purr-fect Holiday season!
- May your days be meowy and bright.
- All I want for Xmas is mew.
- Here comes Santa Claws, here comes Santa Claws…
- Catty Canes.
- The tree and I are getting lit this Christmas.
- Are you oakay? Yes, I'm pine!
- I love hanging with you this season.
- Never fir-get how beautiful Christmas trees are.
- Have a tree-mendous Christmas.
- Hey DJ, drop the needles. Can I get a watt watt?
- I think my tree and I have a really good chemis-tree.
- Don’t forget that everyone is rooting for you.
- This year my tree is #ballin.
- Ornamentary, my dear Watt-son.
- Hey tree, do not leaf me hanging.
- Looking at you is like reading poetree.
- Birch, please.
- I love the festive season more than you think.
- Yes, I do consider myself a Christmas tree hugger.
- I’m having fun fir sure.
- I love you a whole watt.
- What a de-light you are to be around.
- Advice from a tree: stand tall and proud, go out on a limb, remember your roots, and drink plenty of water.
Piercing Jokes
June 28th is International Body Piercing Day! Find joke about it!
A man walked into a bar... and a table... and a chair.
Because he had so many piercings in his face he could hardly see where he was going!
How did the blind woman pierce her ear?
Answering the stapler.
How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
What do you call an actor that can put a hole in anything?
Pierce Brosnan.
How much do pirates charge to pierce someone's ears?
A buck an ear.
Why do blondes pierce their Belly Button?
Somewhere to hang the air freshener.
#internationalbodypiercingday #piercingday
The most popular 10 Christmas cracker jokes for 2023 - voted
Gold asked British people to post their favorite jokes online. A group of judges picked the best ones, and then 2,000 people voted anonymously. The joke that got the most votes made fun of a recent event where thousands of priceless artefacts were stolen from the famous British Museum in London.
1.Did you hear about the Christmas cake on display in the British Museum?It was Stollen
2.Why is Elon Musk's Christmas dinner so awkward?
He can't stop talking about his X
3.Why isn't Barbie having turkey for Christmas dinner this year?
Chic-Ken is enough
4.Why aren't any schools allowed to put on a nativity this year?
They couldn't find a stable building
Check out more Jokes on Christmas Jokes
5.What impact will the 20mph speed limit in Wales have on the charts this year?
Chris Rea will be driving home for Easter
6.What happened to Mark Zuckerberg's novelty jumper when he had a cage fight with Elon Musk?
He was left with nothing but Threads
7.What's the difference between The Polar Express and HS2?
One's a fantasy about a train and the other's a film with Tom Hanks
8.What did Robert Oppenheimer get Barbie for Christmas?
Atomic Kenergy
9.Why are the train drivers on the naughty list this year?
Because they've already had three strikes!
10.How does Margot Robbie decorate her Nativity scene?
With 3 wise Ken
The Preacher and the Peanuts
A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch, he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?" he asks.
"No, not at all!" the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and, as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.
"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts. I really just meant to eat a few."
"Oh, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."
Memorial Day jokes for 2024
Observed on the last Monday in May every year, Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States that honors and remembers those who have died while serving in the military.
Enjoy these light-hearted jokes to add some fun to your Memorial Day!
Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the barbecue?
He wanted to raise the steaks!
What do army guys say when they forget Memorial Day?
Ah, shoot!
What is your favorite Memorial Day tradition?
Spilling BBQ sauce on white pants.
Which day do Alzheimer's patients forget?
Memorial Day.
A small boy was staring at the names on a wall.
The pastor explained,
"They are those who died in the service."
The boy asked,
"The 9 o'clock service or the 11 o'clock?"
What's a cow's favorite Memorial Day activity?
Going to the moo-vies!
Why are there no knock-knock jokes on Memorial Day?
Because freedom rings!
Did you hear about the man who got his car's AC fixed after Memorial Day?
He came back singing "Freon isn't Free."
Why don't soldiers play hide and seek on Memorial Day?
Because good luck hiding when everyone's off duty!
What is the best Memorial Day Sales pitch?
To remember the millions of brave soldiers who died for our country, we're giving you 30% off on all corduroy pants and toaster ovens.
What's the favorite thing about Memorial Day for employees?
Saying to co-workers, "See you next Tuesday."
What do army guys read on Memorial Day?
Magazine.
On Memorial Day, the teacher asked the students, "Do you know why God created wars?"
Someone among students: To teach us, geography?!
How can you offend a close relative of a fallen soldier on Memorial Day?
Wish them "Happy Memorial Day."
Do you know that The Air Force is the most patriotic arm of the US military?
Because they're USAF.
What fruit do soldiers hate?
The Pommegranade.
In the military, how do you refer to children?
Infantry.
15 Funny Space Jokes
Why didn't the sun go to university?
Because it already has a million degrees.
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it.
Why weren't the astronauts hungry when they arrived in space?
Because they had a big launch.
My kid is really obsessed with the moon.
I'm hoping it's just a phase.
Why doesn't Saturn ever go to the jewellery store?
Because it already has enough rings!
Why did the sun go to school?
To get a little brighter!
Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel on the moon?
Because it was full!
Birthday parties in space are the worst. Why?
Because they have no atmosphere.
Did you hear Einstein came up with a theory about space?
Well, it's about time!
What did Mars say to Saturn?
Give me a ring sometime.
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Rocket.
What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?
I Apollo-gize.
What kind of money is used for trading in outer space?
Starbucks.
Why did the star get arrested?
Because it was a shooting star!
Why did the astronaut break up with her boyfriend?
Because she needed some space.
62 corny jokes to get you through Monday
- Do you have a Band-Aid? I have hurt myself while falling for you.
- You better direct that beauty elsewhere because you drive me up the wall.
- Girl, you're so stunning. I just forgot my pickup line.
- Your dad must be Liam Neeson because I'm Taken with you.
- If grapes make your skin beautiful, your home must be in a vineyard.
- How well did the phone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
- You're like dandruff because I can't get you off my mind no matter how hard I try.
- Girl, do you know you're like asthma because you take my breath away?
- I am Microsoft. Can I crash at your place today?
- What do runners eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
- I know what you did last summer. Do you want to do the same during the winter?
- Hey honey, do you want to hear a joke about construction? Never mind, I'm still working on it.
- What did that little boat tell the yacht? Hey, can I interest you in a row-mance?
- What did the guy with the broken leg say to the nurse? I have a clutch on you.
- What do you call two birds that are in love? Tweet hearts.
- What do you call a person with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- Why should you not fall in love with a pastry chef? He will desert you.
- What name is given to a factory that only markets passable products? A satisfactory.
- What does a ghost call his friend? My ghoul friend.
- Knock knock? Who is there? Paul. Paul, who? I'm Paul, in love with you.
- Are you casting for Wonder Woman? Because I have the perfect role.
- Are you feeling guilty about global warming? Because your hotness is melting the world.
- Will you kiss me, or should I lie to my diary?
- Hey girl, is that an earthquake, or have you just shaken my world?
- It seems I am addicted to yes and am allergic to no. So what's it going to be?
- Do you believe in love on first sight, or should I pass by you again?
- I may not be a professional, but we would look cute together in a photo.
- Girl, I need CPR after seeing your face.
- My job is secure. No one else needs it.
- It would be best to never break up with a goalie because he's the keeper.
- Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? Yes, it is on the 14th.
- What happened when two lovely vampires went on their first date? It was love at first bite.
- Why should you not marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
- What is the difference between marriage and love? Love is blind, while marriage is an eye-opener.
- My girlfriend works at the zoo. She is a keeper.
- I said I love you so much. I can't live without you. My girlfriend asked me, "Is it you talking or the beer?" I innocently answered her, "I was talking to the beer."
- Love is like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and you wondered about Y?
- Do you know love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them reaching their safe?
- Please don't laugh at your girlfriend's choices because you're one of them.
- I love to tell my girlfriend, the house boss, by holding the mirror before her face.
- I said to my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- What did the cat say to her girlfriend? You're perfect for me.
- What do you call two cupids who are in love? A match made in heaven.
- What did one watermelon tell the other watermelon? You're the only one in melons.
- Why did the man accuse his wife of robbery? She stole his heart.
- Who has a date on Valentine's Day? The calendar.
- When you fall in love with a chef, you get buttered up.
- The hopeless romantic baker told his dough, I knead you.
- The tightrope walker found love through online dating.
- Is it hot in here, or are you busy raising the temperature?
- Girl, give me back my heart because it seems you stole it when I first set my eyes on you.
- Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had nobody to go with.
- What did the shark tell the other while eating clownfish? Wow, this tastes funny.
- Girl, what do you call a magician dog? Labracadabrador.
- What do you call a pony with a cough? A little hoarse.
- I saw two zombies on a date, and they said romance is dead.
- The lion broke up with his girlfriend since she was a cheetah.
- Your name must be WiFi because I am feeling a strong connection.
- Babe, you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive.
- What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day? Happy independence day.
- I told my boyfriend to text me when he reached home. He must be homeless.
