Popular jokes (25291 to 25305)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
My daughter went to a local Ta...
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
In the '70s, where did m
In the '70s, where did music go to die? A: The ABBAtoir.I Will Miss Them
My son and his wife stopped by Sunday unannounced to visit.
I wouldn't answer the door but I did hold up my new medicine container and pointed to the instructions.
Instructions read: 'Take one tablet before bedtime and Keep away from children.'
Fishing License
Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses."
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all
have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"
Top Valujet Slogans
Top Twenty New Slogans for Valuejet Airlines
- ValueJet: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
- ValueJet: We're Amtrak with wings.
- Join our frequent near-miss program.
- On flights, every section is a smoking section.
- Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
- Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
- Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
- Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
- Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
- The kids will love our inflatable slides.
- You think it's so easy, get your own plane!
- Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
- Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
- ValueJet: We may be landing on your street.
- ValueJet: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
- Bring a bathing suit.
- Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
- That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
- Fly ValueJet. Find out there really is a God.
- ValueJet: A real man lands where he wants to.
A female computer consultant w...
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter penis. Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response...
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!
Good Cause
It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess. He went to the local priest. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a Jew in my attic.""Well," answered the priest, "that is no sin."
"But I charged him 20 Gulden for every week he stayed there." "I admit that that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause", replied the priest. "Yes, but I haven't told him that the war is over."
A rather old fashioned lady, a...
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "toilet" in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember this is a very friendly community!
This guy needs a job and decid
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"Jeeves
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening.The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off.
She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone.
Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jeeves," she said. "Take off my dress."
He did this carefully.
"Jeeves," she continued. "Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Jeeves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties."
As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
