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Popular jokes (721 to 735)

Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system.

Praying for a Parking Space

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.”
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.”
#joke #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.16/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (37)

An American in Ireland goes to a local pub...

An American in Ireland goes to a local pub.

After having a pint, he decides to have a little fun.

“I’ll pay 500 dollars to whomever drinks 10 pints of Guinness in 5 minutes”, he says.

Nobody takes him up on his offer but one guy quickly runs out of the pub.

5 minutes later he comes back, says “I’ll do it”, and then proceeds downing 10 pints in 5 minutes.

Impressed, the American pays him the money, and asks “Where did you go right after I made the offer?”

The guy says: “Oh, I just ran to the pub next door to see if I could actually do it.”

#joke #drinks
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.62/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (13)

Happy Friday with new jokes

My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose.
I was being transparent.

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.

They told me I’d never be good at Poetry because I’m Dyslexic.
But so far I’ve made 2 Vases and a Jug and they are lovely.

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot.

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.

If A is for apple and B is for Banana, what’s C for?
Plastic explosives

My girlfriend broke up with me and took all my pasta.
She left me penne-less.

#joke #friday #fruit #apple #banana #food #cake
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

The golfer and the funeral

A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $200.

At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.

As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by.

The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession to pass.

After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt, and completed it, thus winning the game and the money.

Afterwards, one of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen.

I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concentration, to pay your respects."

"Well," said the golfer, "we were married for 25 years."

#joke #sport #golf #golfer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.77/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (26)

How do you make a Maltese cros...

How do you make a Maltese cross?
Poke him in the eye.

Peter Welsh, Juniper Green

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

How do you get down off an elephant?

How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't, you get down off a goose.

Why are elephants always so broke?
They work for peanuts.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
Irrelephant.

#joke #short #animal #elephant #food #peanuts
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Why did the slave go to college?

Why did the slave go to college?

So he could pickup his Master's degree.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (27)

This Man Has Quite The Excuse For Cheating On His Wife

A woman came home early from work one day and found her husband in bed with a young and attractive woman.
The woman yelled at her husband in anger: “You slimy disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me!? I’m the mother of your children, and I’ve been faithful to you all these years! I want a divorce now!”
The husband answered: “Wait a second my love, let me at least explain what happened.”
“All right, let’s hear what you have to say for yourself,” answered the wife waiting to see just how her husband would try to talk his way out of this one, “but these are your last words.”
Her husband started recalling: “today when I left work and got in my car to head home and this woman asked me for a ride.”
“I noticed that she was very skinny and wearing worn out clothes covered in muck and mud. She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days.”
“She looked worse for wear so I took pity on her and let her into the car.”
“In my mercy for her, instead of taking her straight to where she needed to go, I brought her home first and warmed her up a plate of goulash, the same plate I made for you last night which you didn’t eat claiming you’d ‘get fat’.”
“She devoured it in seconds.”
“Since she needed to get clean, I offered to let her use our shower.”
“While she showered, I noticed that her clothes were very dirty and worn, so I threw them out. She needed new clothes so I brought her the old jeans you no longer wear because they’re ‘too tight’.”
“I also gave her some underwear I bought you that you didn’t wear because ‘I don’t have good taste in clothes’.”
“I found the shirt my mom bought you for Christmas that you didn’t wear to ‘piss her off’. And I gave her the high heels you only wore once because ‘someone at work had the same pair’.”
The husband took a deep breath and continued…
“She was so grateful for my understanding and help. When I walked her to the door she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked…”
“You’re such a great person! Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?”

#joke #christmas #animal #pig #mother #mom #divorce
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (58)

Tennis lesson

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member".

After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth."

#joke #sport #tennis
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (45)

Give Bubba a Chance

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."

Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!"

Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a "One Question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.

The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"

There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!"

#joke #sport #football
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (50)

Scream Day Jokes

April 24th is #ScreamDay, created to bring awareness to the benefits of screaming. #Scream some #jokes!

My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!"
I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.

A pregnant woman screams COULDN’T WOULDN’T SHOULDN’T CAN’T…
The Dr said “nothing to worry about, those are contractions”

What's long, thick, black, and can make you scream?
A tornado

I like to lick women until they scream
Usually only takes one lick.

My wife woke me up around Dawn, screaming her head off
I should mention Dawn was our babysitter.

What do you call a guy in a nascar screaming slurs?
Speed Racist.

#ScreamDay #ScreamDay2023

#joke
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

If my memory was any worse

Is swear if my memory was any worse i could plan my own surprise party.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

Unclear Question

My house had been burglarized and the police were taking a report.
The policeman asked me, "Have you lived here all your life?"
I replied, "Hopefully, not yet!"

#joke #short #policeman
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Smoke and Mirrors Day joke

Today is Smoke and Mirrors Day (USA)! Learn Some Magic Tricks, tell a joke!

My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.
It was all just smoke and mirrors.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A huge guy marries a tiny girl

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?"
The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down."
His friend says, "You know, that don't sound too bad."
The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to."
#joke #wedding
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 1.81/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (16)

Jokes Archive

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