Popular jokes (10501 to 10515)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Maria Bamford: Fulfilling Potential
Im afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.How Do You Pronounce Kissimee?
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee.
They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress: "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
Your dog bite?
There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."
As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."
A fun quiz...
No cheating! Don't jump to the answer, just scroll down and answer each question one at a time...Take this test mentally, don't write down your answers, and don't shout them out.
1. Pick a number from 2 to 9. It can be 2 or it can be 9, or any number in between.
2. Take that number that you've chosen, and multiply it by 9.
3. That should give you a two digit number. Take those two digits and add them together.
4. Take the resulting number and subtract 5 from it.
5. Take that number and correspond it to the alphabet, numbering the letters. A=1, B=2, C=3, and so on.
6. Take your letter, and think of a country that begins with that letter.
7. Take the last letter in the name of that country, and think of an animal.
8. Now, take the last letter in the name of that animal, and think of a color.
9. But always remember, that there are no orange kangaroos in Denmark!!
After being married for thirty
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.He looked at her for a while, and then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."
She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
According to the Knight Rider
According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the metalbands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds hasbeen changed.The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey,abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv."; until the agency received thefollowing letter from an Arkansas camper:
Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and want to tell you it tasted horrible.
The bands are now marked "Fish & Wildlife Service."
Why are there no ice cubes in
Why are there no ice cubes in Poland? Because they lost the recipe.Why did President Truman drop ...
Why did President Truman drop the first atomic bomb? Because he thought it would be more humane than sending in Chuck Norris.Hard Work
When I was young, I was poor...
But after many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
Panic at the hotel...
It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly," she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room. "Where is he?" asked the receptionist.
"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"
"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"
Lawyers & Assholes
A obviously pissed off man walks into a bar and yells "All Lawyers are assholes! Show Me a Lawyer, and I'll show you an Asshole!" Another man walks up to the guy and says "I resent that statement!" The first guys says "Why, Are you a Lawyer?"and the second guys replies "NO! I'm an ASSHOLE!"
Good advice...
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?"
Funny jokes-Face to face
BERT: No, what happened? FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .
BERT: What did you do?
FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.
