Drinks jokes (16 to 30)Jokes about drinks. These are the jokes listed 16 to 30. |
25 jokes that blend well with coffee
A customer walks into a coffee shop. She asks the barista, “How much for a cup of coffee?”
The barista points to the menu and says, “Five dollars for a cup of coffee and refills are free.”
The customer responds, “Thanks. I’ll have a refill.”
Don’t ever let anyone tell you fairy tales aren’t real. I wake up every morning to drink a potion made from magic beans that brings me back to life.
Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would murder someone for a cup of coffee. I really should move that mirror.
Q: What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
A: A mugging!
Q: Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
A: Because he was pressed for time.
Q: What did the coffee addict name her cats?
A: Cream and Sugar.
Q: What did the coffee say about its late assignment?
A: Better latte than never!
Q: What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
A: A depresso
Q: What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee?
A: Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Q: How are coffee beans like teenagers?
A: They are always getting grounded.
Q: What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?
A: Déjà brew.
Thanks a latte for me being my friend
You mocha me very happy.
You’re brew-ti-ful.
A woman walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under her arm. At the counter she says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”
There are two types of people in this world: People who love Starbucks and liars.
If you replace your morning coffee with green tea ….You can lose up to 87% of what little joy you feel in the morning.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
Coffee and I are the perfect blend.
If the coffee is decaf, we’re gonna have a latte problems.
A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The blonde says, “You have a drink named Susan?”
Procaffeinating (n). – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.
I like my men like I like my coffee…Tall, dark and rich
29 Halloween Jokes to make you laugh hard
Halloween Q/A Jokes
1. Q: Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy?A: They don't have the stomach for it.
2. Q: Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping?
A: On the web.
3. Q: Who's in charge of the candy corn?
A: The kernel.
4. Q: Why didn't anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula?
A: Because he’s a pain in the neck!
5. Q: What do birds give to trick or treaters?
A: Tweets.
6. Q: What do witches put on to go trick or treating?
A: Mas-scare-a.
7. Q: What did one piece of hard candy say to the other after it helped it escape from being eaten?
A: “Thanks! You're a real lifesaver.”
8. Q: What type of plants like Halloween the most?
A: Bam-Boo
9. Q: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A: Because they have no body to go with.
10. Q: What did the skeleton bring to the dinner party?
A: Spare-ribs.
Get more of holiday fun ideas at our Halloween Jokes.
11. Q: Why do skeletons love to drink milk?
A: It's good for the bones.
12. Q: What is a skeleton's favorite snack?
A: A cinnabone.
13. Q: What do you call a fat jack-o-lantern?
A: A plumpkin
14. Q: Who rules the pumpkin patch?
A: The pump-king.
Pumpkin Jokes are importan part of Halloween, but also part of many Thanksgiving Jokes.
15. Q: How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?
A: On vine-yl.
16. Q: What to ghosts add to their morning cereal?
A: Booberries
17. Q: What is a ghost's favorite kind of drink?
A: Ghoul-aid.
18. Q: What does a ghost put on his turkey?
A: Grave-y.
19. Q: What kind of cereal does a ghost have for breakfast?
A: Rice Creepies
20. Q: Where do ghosts shop for all of their meals?
A: The ghostery store.
21. Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To tell which witch is which.
22. Q: What do witches study in school?
A: Spelling.
23. Q: Why did the angry witch leave her broom at home?
A: She didn’t want to fly off the handle.
24. Q: Where do witches park?
A: In the broom closet.
Halloween Knock, Knock Jokes
25. Knock, Knock!Who's there? Orange.
Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween.
26. Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who? Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
27. Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Al.
Al who? Al go home after trick-or-treating.
28. Knock, Knock!
Who's there? Witch.
Witch who? Witch one of you has the candy?
Halloween Statement Jokes
29. Did you hear about the gloomy jack-o'-lantern? It needed to lighten up.Halloween, Thanksgiving and other Fall Jokes for kids
Halloween Jokes
1. Why did the cows turn into werewolves?
- It was a full moooooon.
2. Where do ghosts go on vacation?
- The boo-hamas.
3. What kind of monster loves disco?
- The boogieman.
4. How do you know a vampire has a cold?
- He starts coffin.
5. What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
- A hot dog.
6. Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
- You can see right through them.
Find more about Haloween on Haloween Jokes
Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Jack.
- Jack who?
- Jack o’lantern.
2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Ivan.
- Ivan who?
- Ivan to suck your blood.
3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Witches.
- Witches who?
- Witches the best way out of this neighborhood?
Knock-Knock and other Haloween Jokes can be found on page Haloween Jokes
Pumpkin Jokes
1. How did the little pumpkins cross the road?
- With the help of a crossing gourd.
2. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
- With a pumpkin patch.
3. How does the pumpkin listen to music?
- On vine-yl.
4. What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach?
- A life gourd.
5. Where do pumpkins hold business meetings?
- In the gourd-room.
6. What happens if you eat too much pumpkin pie?
- You get autumn-y ache.
Pumpkins are importan part of many Haloween Jokes
Fall Jokes
1. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
- Straw-berries.
2. What did the scarecrow say when he lost all his stuffing?
- That was the last straw!
3. What is the cutest of seasons?
- Awww-tumn.
4. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
- Squash.
5. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
- To make up for his miserable summer.
6. Why are dads so good at fall puns?
- Because they’re so corny.
Thanksgiving Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Annie.
- Annie who?
- Annie-body want some pie?
2. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Arthur.
- Arthur who?
- Arthur any leftovers?
3. Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Pie.
- Pie who?
- Pie love you.
Knock-Knock and other Thanksgiving jokes on Thanksgiving Jokes
Thanksgiving Jokes
1. Why did the gravy get sent to bed early?
- For acting saucy at the table.
2. Why did the turkey get ejected from the basketball game?
- He committed a fowl.
3. Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving band perform?
- Somebody ate the drumsticks.
4. What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
- Yammies.
5. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving?
- The tur-key.
6. What is the most mythical vegetable?
- A uni-corn.
Find more jokes about Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Jokes
Apple Jokes
1. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
- It ran out of juice.
2. Why did the apple pie cross the road?
- It saw a fork up ahead.
3. Why did the apple join the circus?
- He loved the apple-ause.
4. Why did the apple pie cry?
- Its peelings were hurt.
5. What did the apple tree say to the hungry caterpillar?
- “Leaf me alone!”
6. Why is it hard to work at the apple pie factory?
- They have such a high turnover rate.
Short Jokes, Long Laughs
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
19 and 20 had a fight...
21...
19 was injured, 22.
A young boy asked his father if he could try coffee
The dad said “sure son! Have a sip.”
The boy took a sip and immediately spit it out. “Yuck!” he said, “this tastes like dirt!”
“We’ll of course it does, son. It was ground this morning!”
I hate it when you're on the toilet and you notice there is no toilet paper left. Then you have to walk with your trousers round your ankles to get another roll… Anyway, I'm nearly at the Walmart now!
Wine Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until You Can't Hold Your Bladder!
Q: What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine?
A: Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it looks like it’s not breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth!
Q: What did the grape do when someone stepped on it?
A: It let out a little wine!
Q: How do you determine how much wine to drink?
A: Just take it on a case-by-case basis.
Q: What is a woman’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A glass of wine in each hand!
A man sat with his wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, as she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Husband: Is that you or the wine talking?
Wife: It’s me talking to the wine.
A priest is sitting on a park bench mumbling to himself, when a police officer walks over. He smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and sees a wine bottle in a paper bag beside him.
Officer: Father, have you been drinking?
Priest: Just water.
Officer: Then why do I smell wine?
Priest: Good Lord! He’s done it again!
Q: How much should you spend on a bottle of wine?
A: I don’t know, maybe 20 minutes?
Customer: Can I get a bottle of McWine please?
Cashier: Sir, this is McDonald’s.
Young Man: Wow, 50 years. What’s your secret?
Older Man: Twice a week, we go out to a fancy dinner and drink a bottle of expensive wine. Tonight is my night. She gets Thursdays.
33 Jokes for Teens Guaranteed to Make Them Smile
Q: Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbers?
A: Because they can't even.
Q: Why can't a T-Rex clap their hands?
A: Because they're extinct.
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.
Q: What is the wake-up time for ducks?
A: The quack of dawn.
Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: Look for the fresh prints.
Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG.
Q: What do you call high school kids who haven’t been able to go to school because of COVID-19?
A: Quaranteens.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: What do you call hiking U.S. college students?
A: The walking debt.
Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A: Reali-tea.
Q: Why did the math book bummed?
A: It had a lot of problems.
Q: Why did God supposedly make men before He made women?
A: Because everyone needs a rough draft.
Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line.
Q: Why shouldn’t you worry about passing math?
A: Because it's easy as pi.
Q: Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?
A: Because they keep breaking out.
Q: What do you call a grizzly with bad teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
Q: How do you know when you’re desperate for an answer?
A: You look at the second page of Google search results.
Q: What do computers snack on?
A: Microchips.
Q: What is a teenager who never grows called?
A: Constantine.
Q: Why does ice cream get invited to every party?
A: It's cool and sweet.
Q: What did the grape say when it was pinched?
A: Nothing, it just started to wine.
Q: How are parties organized at NASA?
A: They planet.
Q: What's the most hardworking part of the eye?
A: The pupil.
Q: How does the moon cut its hair?
A: It e-clips it.
Q: What do you call a Minecraft meetup IRL?
A: A block party.
Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm in your apple.
Q: Why are spiders such know-it-alls?
A: They’re always on the web.
Q: Why are eggs bad at telling jokes?
A: They always crack each other up.
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: Don't know, don't care.
Q: What do you call hiking U.S. college students?
A: The walking debt.
5 short jokes to prepare for Friday
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 8lbs 4oz
Exactly four weeks ago, I entered into an intensive program to cut down my excessive body fat.
Remarkably, I've now reached my goal of losing 50% of my weight,
and they're transferring me to a new facility!
It's a half weigh house.
How do you milk sheep?
With iPhone accessories.
Bros don't let other bros walk around with an open fly.
It's called the zip code.
If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U r a bus
20 math jokes to make you laugh
I poured my root beer into a square glass...
Now I have a beer
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!
What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros!
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees!
How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor.
What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry.
Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision.
Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler.
Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless.
Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s!
Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
Do you know what's odd?
Every other number!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Which king loved fractions?
Henry the ⅛.
Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably.
What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!
Few funny short jokes
My plan for tomorrow is to go with the wife to get us both some new glasses…
After that, we'll see!
I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water...
Schwepped her off her feet!
Did you hear about the bloke that always got angry when he was out of bread for breakfast?
He was lack-toast intolerant!
Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Edinburgh Fringe
Edinburgh Fringe 2023, the funniest joke: Lorna Rose Treen's zookeeper pun:
"I started dating a zookeeper,
but it turned out he was a cheetah."
~Lorna Rose Treen.
Here are the rest of the top 10 jokes:
"The most British thing I've ever heard?
A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.'"
~Liz Guterbock.
"Last year I had a great joke about inflation.
But it's hardly worth it now."
~Amos Gill.
"When women gossip we get called bitchy;
but when men do it's called a podcast."
~Sikisa.
"I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic
- just to break the ice."
~Masai Graham.
"How do coeliac Germans greet each other?
Gluten tag."
~Frank Lavender.
"My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight.
Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals.
He's Costa-phobic."
~Roger Swift.
"I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and
I won hands down."
~Bennett Arron.
"Nationwide must have looked pretty silly
when they opened their first branch."
~William Stone.
"My grandma describes herself as being in her 'twilight years'
which I love because they're great films."
~Daniel Foxx.
Dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
