Food jokes (106 to 120)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 106 to 120. |
30 Bacon jokes to celebrate International Bacon Day
The first Saturday in September is International Bacon Day and a day to enjoy all things bacon, including bacon jokes!
What is a pig’s favorite song?
"Don’t Go Bacon My Heart."
What’s a bacon lover’s favorite musical?
"Grease."
What’s a bacon lover’s favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine."
What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork.
Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon.
Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz.
Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine.
What’s a bacon enthusiast’s favorite play?
"Hamlet."
What’s the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I’ve got bacon."
What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine!
Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet.
What’s the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up!
How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.’
What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig.
What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom.
How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one’s looking!
What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket!
Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon.
With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary.
Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon.
What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink.
Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog.
What’s the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks.
What’s the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck.
What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon.
What did the pig say at the beach?
"It’s so hot, I’m bacon!"
Six fresh jokes
Six fresh jokes to start weekend with laugh
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A tsunami.
I saw a guy and a girl doing high fives in a chemistry lab
and I thought, "wow they be bonding."
My doctor advised me to cut down on my sodium intake.
I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
"Your underwear is much too tight and revealing," I said to my wife.
She replied, "Wear your own then."
I saw a book at the store today called "How to end 50% of your problems"
I bought two.
14 Cat jokes
What's a cat's favorite book?
The Great Cats-by.
What's a cat's favorite day of the week?
Cat-urday.
Why did the cats ask for a piano?
They wanted to make mew-sic.
What’s a cat’s favorite cereal?
Mice crispies.
What’s a cat’s favorite TV show?
Claw and Order.
If your cat was an artist, what would they paint?
Paw-traits.
What's a cat’s favorite color?
Purr-ple.
If cats taught school, what would they be called?
Purr-fessors.
What's a cat's favorite food?
Paw-sta.
What do you call a cat who loves to bowl?
An alley cat.
How did the lazy kittens work on their school project?
They put in the bare mew-nimum.
What's every kitten’s favorite movie?
The Little Purr-maid.
What's a cat’s favorite dessert?
Chocolate mouse.
Why don’t cats like online shopping?
They prefer cat-alogues.
11 new jokes for National Tell A Joke Day
On August 16th, celebrate National (US) Tell A Joke Day by doing just that — telling a joke. Find some great jokes here:
What's the difference between an Indian and an African Elephant?
One of them is an elephant
What's the difference between Iron man and Iron woman?
One is a superhero the other an instruction!
How hard is it to seduce large women?
Piece of cake
There's a new religion that worships zero
Nothing is sacred these days
Did you hear about the two guys who broke into an oversized kitchen supply store?
One of them said to the other "Be careful, we're taking a really big whisk."
Am going to see that new film about the pig without an eye.
It's rated PG.
I ordered a book on puns.
I didn't get it.
I've just come back from the doctor and I've been diagnosed with tinnitus...
I don't like the sound of that!
I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, "Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has big blue hair!"
My dog ran off in the park last night.
I walked around for 30 minutes but could not find him.
The missus said I should look harder...
So I shaved my head and got a tattoo.
I still can't find him!
A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his parents.
"This is Amanda."
His dad jumps up and says, "It's a f*c*ng what?"
The 10 best jokes of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2023 so far
Had my wedding recently.
I married a midwife, so she’s upgraded to a full wife.
~Ed Patrick
I hear the inventor of bubblewrap shoes has just popped his clogs.
~Olaf Falafel
People ask me about my anti-ageing secrets.
I use a phenomenal eye cream called Not Having Kids.
~Liz Guterbock
I drink decaf coffee.
I like my coffee how I like my men - missing everything I need.
~Sasha Ellen
How is everyone?
I just signed an NDA, so can't complain.
~Darren Walsh
Love is very powerful because it can make you look at a shirt and say,
'I wore that on our first date'
and completely forget you also wore it at a rectal exam
~Ian Smith
Family is important, because they’re the only people who know what you’ve been through,
and that’s because they caused half of it.
~Philipp Kostelecky
Men love fixing things.
Except themselves.
~Ollie Horn
I love buying alcohol from the self-service checkout.
I'm in a bad place, and I need to hear a voice say 'Someone is coming to help you'.
~Alexander Bennett
Minimum wage workers SHOULD be allowed to do as little as possible.
I got a pizza from Deliveroo, it turned up an hour late, wrong pizza, squashed in the box somehow and I said ‘good!’
That’s how it should be.
5 stars.
Big tip!
~Bilal Zafar
Photo credit Alan Powdrill – www.alanpowdrill.com
Rabbit walks into a bar and few more funny jokes
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walks into a bar.
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a typo!"
My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."
I replied, "That's 15 love"
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy. "Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day.
Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?" "Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
Why pigs dressed in black never get killed?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
My loopy neighbour has invited me to her cats birthday party on Saturday...
Is she crazy? She knows my dog is getting married that day!
Happy Friday with new jokes
My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose.
I was being transparent.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
They told me I’d never be good at Poetry because I’m Dyslexic.
But so far I’ve made 2 Vases and a Jug and they are lovely.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot.
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
If A is for apple and B is for Banana, what’s C for?
Plastic explosives
My girlfriend broke up with me and took all my pasta.
She left me penne-less.
Chess Day jokes
International Chess Day is celebrated on 20 July. Check out some funny Chess jokes!
Patient: Doctor whenever I cough it sounds like this 'pawn, bishop, queen.
Doctor: Sounds like you have a chess infection.
I played my friend in a game of chess.
She did not think that she could win but she wanted to check anyway.
When Australian chess players finish their meals in the restaurant...
they say, "Cheque, mate."
Life is like a game of chess.
I can't play chess.
Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?
Because it's on F1.
A girl comes across a guy playing chess against a dog.
She's very impressed with what she sees and says:
"What a clever dog!"
To which the man responds:
"No, no, he isn't that clever...
I'm leading three games to one!"
Where do chess players like to go to look for a bargain?
The pawnshop.
How did the king lose his home?
One of the horses took his castle.
Which knight always gave up at chess?
Sir Render.
Why do chess pieces look so uninterested?
They’re part of a bored game.
Why should you ever have lunch with a chess player?
It takes them ages to pass the salt.
Why did the chess player win the disco competition?
They had all the right moves.
When the King started telling a bedtime story to all the chess pieces, he said ...
"Once a pawn a time..."
