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Short jokes - funny one liners (10441 to 10480)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 10441 to 10480. |
If you fire someone arbitraril...
If you fire someone arbitrarily, then it's just cuz.#joke #short
Little Johnny was at football ...
Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said"Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts"
Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh me sir me"
The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst in the team!"
Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can’t jump!"
Hilarious jokes-The linguist
The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.
He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."
She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."
He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."
She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."
#joke #short
Greg Fitzsimmons: Definition of Debt
Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.#joke #short
The reason newborn babies cry ...
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
The teacher wrote on the black...
The teacher wrote on the blackboard, I aint had no fun all summer.Now Paul, she said. What shall I do to correct this?
Get a boyfriend. Paul replied.
#joke #short
Demetri Martin: Power Nap
A power nap is when you sleep on someone whos weaker than you.#joke #short
Policeman joke
A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"
"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
#joke #short #policeman
Shane Mauss: Crazy Expressions
Expressions are crazy. How about the one, What crawled up your ass and died? Thats a strange one; it means a persons in a bad mood or whatever. It doesnt make any sense. I think that one would be in a worse mood if said thing were still alive.#joke #short
“Will you love me when I’m old...
“Will you love me when I’m old and ugly?”“Darling, of course I do.”
#joke #short
Sheng Wang: Eating a Pomegranate
I ate a pomegranate; that is a magical fruit. Its like juice corn. Its like God got stoned one day, and he was like, You know what, Im going to put some fruit juice inside these kernels. Lets do that. But Im not going to put it on the cob; Im going to shove it up this fat, dirty radish.Funny jokes-Laws of Education
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
#joke #short
Maria Bamford: Fulfilling Potential
Im afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.#joke #short
Girl: You remind me of the sea...
Girl: You remind me of the sea.Boy: Why? Because I'm so wild and romantic?
Girl: No. You make me sick.
#joke #short
A gentleman entered a busy flo...
A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read Say It with Flowers.Wrap up one rose he told the florist.
Only one? the florist asked.
Just one, the customer replied
Im a man of few words.
#joke #short
Dan Naturman: At a Job Interview
Heres an example of something you never say at a job interview: Can I have my resume back? Its my only copy. #joke #short
Dreaming in color
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.#joke #short
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300...
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Funny kids jokes-Nickel
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants."
"Somebody else's pants."
#joke #short
Cristela Alonzo: Owning a Scale
Theres only two kinds of people in the world that own scales: people who think theyre fat and drug dealers.#joke #short
Don't steal, the Government ha...
Don't steal, the Government hates competition!#joke #short
A teacher sees a lad entering ...
A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom his hands were dirty.She stopped him and said, John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?
Smiling the boy replied, I think Id be too polite to mention it.
#joke #short
Which band's ride always...
Which band's ride always broke down? Van Ailin'#joke #short
Funny jokes-Very cold
An old woman says to her friend: “You know, last night I was shivering all over from cold.”Her friend: “Do you remember if your teeth chattered?”
The old woman: “I don't think so. We haven't slept together for ages.”
#joke #short
Artie Lange: Walk to St. Louis
Crystal meths a good drug if you need to walk to St. Louis one weekend.#joke #short
Nomads are th...
Nomads are the calmest people.#joke #short
SMS jokes-Talent test
A Question asked in a Talent Test:If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How wud You Recognize Your WIFE?
The Best Answer
- Why d Hell Should I recognize?
#joke #short
Mo Mandel: Just No Way
Have you ever been in the position where youre dating somebody and she tells you shes an anorexic, but theres just no way? I was dating this girl who told me shes an anorexic. I was like, Well, keep working on it because -- did you just start right now?#joke #short
