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Short jokes - funny one liners (11201 to 11240)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11201 to 11240. |
Beyond the Call of Duty
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said the teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy, confidently. "Means carrying a child."
#joke #short
When you say "no one's perfect...
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes it as a personal insult.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Chuck Norris is currently suin...
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Brendon Walsh: WMD Penis
My last girlfriend used to call my penis what I thought was a big, powerful, scary nickname. She was calling it a weapon of mass destruction. Sounded cool, but then I found out she was calling it that because she thought my penis was really hard to find. #joke #short
Any plans to float a common cu...
Any plans to float a common currency are eurozoneous.#joke #short
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his l...
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.#joke #short #chuck-norris
The only person in our town wh...
The only person in our town who can afford to go on a jaguar is a zoo-keeper.#joke #short
Anyone who plants a tree is in...
Anyone who plants a tree is in for a root awakening.#joke #short
Chuck Norris was originally ca...
Chuck Norris was originally cast as Jack Bauer in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.#joke #short #chuck-norris
I ingested a pop can and every...
I ingested a pop can and everything is clear. I feel aluminated.#joke #short
Really funny jokes-I am rich
O.M.G., I'm rich!
Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth
Crystals in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood
Lead in the Arse
Iron in the Arteries
And
An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth, now I can buy that gold-plated yacht and the Bentley.
Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth
Crystals in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood
Lead in the Arse
Iron in the Arteries
And
An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth, now I can buy that gold-plated yacht and the Bentley.
How much wood would a woodchuc...
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Jay Larson: Embarrassing Purchase
I bought a plunger the other day. You ever bought a plunger? Its an embarrassing purchase. At first, you think its no big deal. Stand in the line, swinging it. And then you realize everybody knows; you got a situation at home. Nobody buys a plunger on a whim. #joke #short
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norr...
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Put it back
What do you do in case of fallout?Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
#joke #short
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"Where will you spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?"
#joke #short
Misusing the relative pronoun ...
Misusing the relative pronoun is a slippery slope, and can end in whomlessness.#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Three Spanish tourists
Three Spanish tourists are up in a tree in Mexico when a policeman sees them."What are you doing up there?
Come on men, get down. Let's not have any of you falling and getting hurt!"
The guys get down ... "Ok. Now, who are you?"
"Wow, what a memory! We are the Spanish dudes from the tree!"
#joke #short #policeman
Ninjas want to grow up to be j...
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Televangelism is all about ...
Televangelism is all about false profits.#joke #short
Sincere love note
To Mary, the love of my life:
There is nothing I would not do to reach your side. I would climb the highest mountain! I would cross the trackless desert! I would swim the widest ocean to be near you, my beloved.
With love and tenderness,
Jonathan
PS: See you Saturday night, if it doesn't rain.
#joke #short
Birthday jokes-Present
Forget about the past, you can't change it.Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
#joke #short
Inertia is a property of Chuck...
Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Atheists lack creed ab...
Atheists lack creed ability.#joke #short
Food chain
After discussing the “food chain” with my fifth grade class, I told them their weekend homework was to write a sentence showing they understood the meaning of the term.
On Monday morning, one student handed this in: “Burger King is my favorite food chain.”
Funny jokes-Good trade
A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."
Chuck Norris can judge a book ...
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Answering Machine Message 87
Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter": Hi, you've reached Hell. (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time.
#joke #short
Nothing scares me like the air...
Nothing scares me like the air. It's my utmost fear.#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Stupid Bank robber
In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honoured, he fled. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.
#joke #short #policeman
Chuck Norris invented american...
Chuck Norris invented american flag pants.#joke #short #chuck-norris
My Wife Is Missing
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
#joke #short
Clean river activists are r...
Clean river activists are wading for good eau.#joke #short
