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Short jokes - funny one liners (11681 to 11720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11681 to 11720. |
To increase sensitivity to suc...
To increase sensitivity to such issues, we've tried to Uncle Kate awareness about transsexuals.#joke #short
On his birthday, Chuck Norris ...
On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.#joke #short #chuck-norris
The teacher wrote on the black...
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
#joke #short
A lonely stranger went into a ...
A lonely stranger went into a deserted restaurant and ordered the breakfast special. When his order arrived, he looked up at the waitress and asked, “How about a kind word?” The waitress leaned over and whispered, “Don’t eat the meat.”Bic's newest version of ...
Bic's newest version of the writing instrument enjoyed market pen iteration.#joke #short
There is no theory of evolutio...
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Science has shown that a hungr...
Science has shown that a hungry man can make a sandwich disappear through a physical process of phase transition, aka sub elimination.Chuck Norris invented Kentucky...
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.Tommy Davidson: Breaking Down "Scooby Doo"
Have you ever broke Scooby Doo down? I mean, come on -- he rode around in a van with the flowers on the side, on a Saturday morning, looking for a haunted house. Tell me they wasnt high.#joke #short
Knock Knock Collection 021
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bach!
Bach who?
Bach of sweets!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bacon!
Bacon who?
Bacon a cake for your birthday!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
People say that there is no di...
People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’.I say there is.....
Marry the right person, and you’re ‘complete’
Marry the wrong person, and you’re ‘finished’
#joke #short
Chuck Norris can make Batman c...
Chuck Norris can make Batman cry.#joke #short #chuck-norris
How did I end up as a toothbru...
How did I end up as a toothbrush salesman? Quite hawks a dentally.#joke #short
The speaker
A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours.
Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says; “I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home.”
A voice from the back of the room says, “There's a calendar behind you.”
#joke #short
Jack was nimble, Jack was quic...
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Change machine
I came up with a great way to never lose money when I go to Las Vegas...I keep playing the change machine!
#joke #short
Hunting With A Wife
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My wife."
Hear the pun about the man wit...
Hear the pun about the man with mussels for brains? It met with cortical a clam.#joke #short
The only sure things are Death...
The only sure things are Death and Taxes...and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.#joke #short #chuck-norris
We want to strike Acco...
We want to strike Accord with anyone who's ever crashed their Honda.#joke #short
Chuck Norris has an ongoing fe...
Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck's tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.#joke #short #chuck-norris
The square root of Chuck Norri...
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.#joke #short #chuck-norris
John Oliver: Cell Phone Videos
I see that no one, yet, is filming this on their cell phones. I appreciate that because that has become the new scourge of stand-up: people sitting there saying, I want to enjoy this, but now is not good for me. Later would be better -- later and smaller.#joke #short
Quite a Beauty
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too:"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him.
"Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you planning to marry?"
#joke #short
A man came home and was greete...
A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'So he tied her up and went golfing.
#joke #short
Anthony Jeselnik: Better Man
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person -- so I can get a better girlfriend. #joke #short
A patron ordered a Manhattan. ...
A patron ordered a Manhattan. When it was served there was a piece of parsley floating in the glass."What in the world is this?" asked the man.
The bartender peered into the glass and replied, "That's Central Park."
#joke #short
The mime who broke his silence...
The mime who broke his silence was punished with maxi mum jailtime.#joke #short
Two bachelors...
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
'I got a cookbook once,' said one, 'but I could never do anything with it.'
'Too much fancy work in it, eh?' asked the other.
'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way --
'Take a clean dish...''
#joke #short
“How long have you been workin...
“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked to another.“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”
#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 152
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
#joke #short
When told the reason for Dayli...
When told the reason for Daylight Saving time the old Indian said...'Only a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket.'
#joke #short
"All those curves and me with ...
"All those curves and me with no brakes."#joke #short
Norm MacDonald: Battling Cancer
Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which Ive seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: hes lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.#joke #short
Another Drink
When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink.""Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!"
