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Short jokes - funny one liners (2281 to 2320)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2281 to 2320. |
Sue and Jane are shopping toge
Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me of John's balls."Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?"
"No", Sue answers. "That dirty."
Spiritual Meaning
Man: "Oh Guru! Why is it that when I open my eyes in bed at night, I see an aura light around my wife's head? What does it all mean spiritually?"
Guru: "She's checking your cellphone."
On Halloween we will not pun.
On Halloween we will not pun. Instead we make candied observations.Playing Chess
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting!”
So we stopped playing chess.
Static electricity
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
Vegetarian's favorite place
What's a vegetarian's favorite place to dine?
An arboretum.
Can I park here?
A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?""No," says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"They didn't ask!"
Excessive Commas
A man was found guilty of overusing commas.
The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.
My Words
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary!
I said, “Mark, my words!”
In a supermarket Ivan lost sig
In a supermarket Ivan lost sight of his wife. He comes up to a nice young lady and asks, "Will you talk with me for a couple of minutes, please?""Why should I?"
"It's always the same -- as soon as I get into talking with a pretty woman my wife abruptly pops up from out of nowhere."
“I've just read that
“I've just read that all the wildebeest in Africa have been replaced with animatronic copies. Fake gnus!”
Our Madagascar jokes are getti
Our Madagascar jokes are getting lemur and lemur.“If you're really ou
“If you're really out of sorts, I might have a couple that you could borrow.”
Soap In My Chicken
Little Henry sits at the dinner table. He reaches for his plate, picks up a chicken leg, and starts to eat. His mother says, "Henry did you wash your hands?"
Henry replies, "No! I don’t want my chicken to taste like soap, mom!"
In the digital age, how do kno
In the digital age, how do know your child is potty trained?Are the French known to waffle
Are the French known to waffle on their decisions?Smart Student... I Think
Teacher: “What is the difference between ‘Tea’ and ‘Tee’?
Student: "The first one is a drink and the second is an incorrect spelling."
“What evaluation proc
“What evaluation process is used by the Journal of Dermatological Science? Pore review.”
Always Friends
Boy 1: "As long as you are in school, two things will always be your friends."
Boy 2: "Who are they?
Boy1: "Classwork and Homework!"
“I use yeast most of
“I use yeast most of the time when I am baking, and I always use it on the ryes.”
When I realized I had eaten pe
When I realized I had eaten petrified PlayDough, I nearly had a hardy tack.The teenage son was having tro
The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account."The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his mother said.
"Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"
“The drunk didn't mi
“The drunk didn't mingle at the party. He just sot in the corner.”
You Gotta Hand It To Them
You’ve really gotta hand it to short people...
Because they usually can’t reach it for themselves.
