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Short jokes - funny one liners (2761 to 2800)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2761 to 2800. |
I quit drinking hard liquor an
I quit drinking hard liquor and joined with my brothers at AA. Together we are kin dread spirits.Converting wood into toilet pa
Converting wood into toilet paper has no rhetorical defensibility. I see through your softest-tree!Clever Toddlers
Two students were talking about their childhood.
"I was a very clever toddler. By the time I was ten months old, I could already walk."
"You call that clever?" the other said. "I managed to trick my parents into carrying me until I was three!"
“When the vocal instr
“When the vocal instructor at our local music academy thought he smelled smoke, he set off the fire alarm. It turned out to be nothing. It was a falsetto alarm.”
Monetary policy madness: Fed C
Monetary policy madness: Fed Chair Ben Bernanke, aka the ‘Bernanker-Chief', is blowing his wad!My relatives tend to be thin e
My relatives tend to be thin except for my distend cousins.The Whole Truth
The judge wanted to make sure the witness understood the solemnity of the occasion.
"Do you know what the word 'oath' means?" asks the judge.
"Sure do," says the witness. "Oath means if I swear to a lie, I gotta stick with it."
“This year in the toy
“This year in the toy department, drones are a big hit. They are literally flying off the shelves.”
What's the international
What's the international language of single people?Love Versus Marriage
What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
Entire Wikipedia
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything.
Insulate your percussion instrument
How do you insulate your percussion instruments?
With xylofoam.
Washing The Car
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
In the days leading up to Chri
In the days leading up to Christmas, people in San Francisco did everything they could to avoid the mauls, as they were a real zoo. The only people who weren't worried were lawyers with an escape claws.Constant Wordplay Jokes
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, "What should I do to stop my addiction?"
She said, "Hey, whatever means necessary."
"No, no it doesn't," I said.
Staying at a rundown Motel 6 a
Staying at a rundown Motel 6 and picking up scabies is ass lice of Americana.Playoff hockey is a comic r
Playoff hockey is a comic marvel. They should call it the Stan Lee Cup.Change in Store
I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store...
Clothes, but no cigar.
“With all the concern
“With all the concern about plastic waste these days, it is easy to see why clingfilm gets such a bad wrap.”
A woman was watching her husba
A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help."
"Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..."
Graphic designers are obsessed
Graphic designers are obsessed with kern events. Especially web designers – they love checking out Britney's css. HTML baby one more time!“What is claustrophob
“What is claustrophobia? An unnatural fear of jolly old St. Nick!”
I got into a boring conversati
I got into a boring conversation with a vulture. Man they tend to carrion. This one wouldn't shut up about the deadly car cass he got into. The whole time I was just thinking ‘Oh. mag. got.‘The bearded lady seems hairy,
The bearded lady seems hairy, until she takes off hirsute.Pro-bestiality lobbyists alway
Pro-bestiality lobbyists always seem to have an ox to grind!Escape from a moving transport
Escape from a moving transport truck? I can't–I'm a freight.Answering Machine Message 228
(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?
“My uncle is the bass
“My uncle is the bass in a barbershop quartet. Yesterday was his first time to sing so low.”
