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Short jokes - funny one liners (2761 to 2800)

Short jokes - funny one liners (2761 to 2800)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2761 to 2800.

The worst bag

I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.

It was… the worst case scenario.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

Lucky Me

I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me...
The second one didn't!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #38 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Never get in a situp contest w

Never get in a situp contest with a guy named Abdul.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Squirrel in a Hurricane

Where do Squirrels go during Hurricanes?
Pretty Much anywhere depending on how fast the wind is blowing

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old...

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend.
"Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.81/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (27)

Caesar salad

“Caesar salad means she notices her food.”

#joke #short #food #salad
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

I don't digitize my home

I don't digitize my home movies. I keep it reel.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Kiss my relatives

When I have to kiss my relatives at family functions, it's like the coming of the pack o' lips.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

I’m So Glad

Little Johnny: I’m so glad you named me Little Johnny.
Mother: Why do you say that?
Little Johnny: Because that’s what all the kids in school call me.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

I'm a bit of a pig. I ca

I'm a bit of a pig. I can say that un-ham-big-uously.
#joke #short #animal #pig #food #ham
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Doctor Visit

A man visits his doctor and complains that he feels like he has 5 legs.
The doctor asks him how do his pants fit?
The man replies, "Like a glove!"

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.07/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (15)

“Despite his immense

“Despite his immense success as a coffee seller he remained a grounded person.”

#joke #short #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (16)

What do

What do you call a tavern in Spain?
#joke #short
What do">Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Hear about the baseball pitche

Hear about the baseball pitcher who refused to endorse Wal-Mart, because it was a big balk store?
#joke #short #sport #baseball
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

“In other news the co

“In other news the corn gang who has been stalking farmers, but hot tips from asparagus informants have led to their arrests and the police have hulled them in!”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

Rob Ford mayor scandal?? ro

Rob Ford mayor scandal?? Something's rotund in the state of Denmark! #robford
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Ever stop to think? Training a dog always gives me paws.

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Why So Late

When her husband returns home at two in the morning, the wife confronts him.
"I told you two beers and home by ten o’clock!"
The man replies, "I'm sorry honey, I must have gotten the two numbers mixed up."

#joke #short #food #honey #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (15)

Quarantine

Due to the quarantine...
I’ll only be telling inside jokes.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.22/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (18)

A blonde walks into a doctor...

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I'm horribly sick!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "Flu?"
"No, I drove here."
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (24)

“I hated going to eve

“I hated going to evening church services as a child, but my dad said, 'Don't compline.'”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.18/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (11)

 Answering Machine Message 119


Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend WAY too much time on the phone. GO OUTSIDE... See the world, LIVE a little... Have fun.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

“The store sold me cu

“The store sold me cut-rate food for my horse at an exorbitant price, then had the nerve to send me a 'customer service' survey. I didn't hesitate to give them the feed back.”

#joke #short #animal #horse #food
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Wrong Name

Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?"
I burst into tears. Eleven years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

I Need You Here

Boss - Do you think you can come in on Saturday? I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here.
Me - Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as public transport on weekends is slow.
Boss - What time will you get here?
Me - Monday.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (18)

I Have Lost My Father

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.81/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (27)

Triglycerides now ...

“Triglycerides now, defibrillater.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Cryptographers like to sleep a

Cryptographers like to sleep around, always cracking coeds.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

How do you inspire a man who l

How do you inspire a man who loves sheep?
#joke #short #animal #sheep
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Why should you face death by f

Why should you face death by firing squad instead of running a marathon?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

The bas

The baseball player's swing was so good, some said it defied the Laws of Physics. The critics, however, claimed his bat was quarked.
#joke #short #animal #bat #sport #baseball
The bas">Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

My garden came up crooked. It&

My garden came up crooked. It's true what they say about the best laid plants…
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

No Kids

A man finished baby-proofing his house and his wife says, "Aw, honey, I thought you said you didn't want to have kids?"
He responds, "I don't. Let's see them get in now."

#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Breast augmentation will fix e

Breast augmentation will fix everything; all your problems a distend mammary.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

You Have A Disease

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.
Patient: What’s the Cure?
Doctor: It’s an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let’s try to stay focused...

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.19/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (21)

“He built his entire

“He built his entire itch-cream business from scratch.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

This photo of a chicken nibbli

This photo of a chicken nibbling my butt has an unusual ass-pecked ratio.
#joke #short #animal #chicken
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

They says there's not mu

They says there's not much to do in tiny European republics, but I suckled almost a dozen pigs in Lichtenswine!
#joke #short #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Trouble With Eczema

Sam: I’m having a lot of trouble with eczema, teacher.
Teacher: Heavens, where do you have it?
Sam: I don’t have it, I just can’t spell it.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

“When the off-duty co

“When the off-duty copper fell into an electroplating bath, his mettle was galvanized by a sudden zincing feeling and he knew his mass was brass.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.93/10

Rating: 1.9/10 (14)

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