The best jokes (3151 to 3165)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 3151 to 3165. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Goldfish burial
Little eight-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," Nancy sobbed. "And I've just buried him."
The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said condescendingly: "That's a really big hole for a little goldfish, don't you think?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: "That's because he's inside your cat."
A family had twin boys whose o...
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"
Vision and Sight
What's the difference between a vision and a sight?
When my wife gets dressed up for a party she looks like a vision and when she wakes up in the morning she's a sight!
Never Made A Mistake
I never made a mistake in my life!
I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Unemployment Office
Working at the unemployment office has to be a tense job...
For if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
To Lie Or Not To Lie
Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame.
Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?"
Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"
Filling Up
ME: "I will take $50 on pump one please..."
BARTENDER: "Sir, please get your mouth off the keg!"
Escape from a moving transport
Escape from a moving transport truck? I can't–I'm a freight.A diner at a country inn is sh
A diner at a country inn is shocked to see on the menu a dish of "hickory-smoked possum jowls in syrup." He summons a waiter to complain.The waiter looks at the menu. Then he flings it down and yells to the owner in the kitchen, "Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into French again!"
A truck driver was driving alo...
A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign thatread, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before he could stop, the bridge isright ahead of him and he gets stuck under it.Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police officer approaches, puts his hands on hiships, and says, "Got stuck - huh?"
"No," the truck driver says, "I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Can You Hear Him?
On his first day back to work after the birth of his son, Randy's supervisor said, "I understand you have a new youngster at your house?"
Randy glanced around apprehensively, "For heaven's sake, you can't hear him all the way out here, can you?"
Playing Chess
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting!”
So we stopped playing chess.
