The best jokes (3166 to 3180)

After Dinner Speech

As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.
Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."

A truck driver was driving alo...

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign thatread, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before he could stop, the bridge isright ahead of him and he gets stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police officer approaches, puts his hands on hiships, and says, "Got stuck - huh?"
"No," the truck driver says, "I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Can You Hear Him?

On his first day back to work after the birth of his son, Randy's supervisor said, "I understand you have a new youngster at your house?"
Randy glanced around apprehensively, "For heaven's sake, you can't hear him all the way out here, can you?"

Playing Chess

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting!”
So we stopped playing chess.

Another College Joke

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison!

A Great Solution for Insomnia

"I'm suffering dreadfully from insomnia. I've tried all sorts of remedies, but I can find nothing that will send me to sleep."
"Why don't your try talking to yourself?"

When a woman wears leather clo

When a woman wears leather clothing
A man's heart beats quicker
His throat gets dry
He goes weak in the knees
snd he begins to think irrationally
Ever wonder why?
Because she smells like a new truck!!!

The Leading Cause

What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.

The joy of keeping your option

The joy of keeping your options open, aka an either/or-gasm.

Once a man questioned his wife

Once a man questioned his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me any fortune?"
"Dear hubby, I'd have married you... no matter who left you a fortune!" she replied softly.

School

Teacher: At the end of this ruler is a stupid student (pointing at student).
Narrator: The student got detention for say "Which end?"

Defining Moments

What does "The Devil is in the details" mean?
It means the government just passed the budget.

I Have A Hoarse Throat

"Doctor, Doctor, I have a hoarse throat."
"Well I hate to break it you, but the resemblance doesn't end there."

The Forgotten Scissors

After surgery, the doctor said to the patient, "I am sorry, but I forgot a pair of scissors inside you. I need to..."
The patient quickly responded, "Oh don't bother doctor! If it is because of that, just tell me how much it cost and I will pay you back."

Church Bulletin Bloopers

Applications are now being accepted for 2-year-old nursery workers. Brother Lamar has gone on to be the Lord. The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles. The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle. The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew. Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people. Men's Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.-