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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 06 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 06 November 2008

Five doctors went duck hunting...

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physician, a paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist.

After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the paediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

So what are your plans?

A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar. Hmm." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

#joke #food #dinner #honey
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (5)

The Aging Process


The Aging Process

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! . He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!

#joke #food #lunch #drinks #milk
Joke | Source: - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Boss: Do you believe in life a...

Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: Yes I do, why? Boss: After you left early yesterday to go to your aunt's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A Cultural Comparison

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.

Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.

Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.

Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".

Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.

Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer.

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.

Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.

Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.

Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

#joke #drinks #beer #alcohol #sport #football #rugby #baseball #hockey #soccer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Error codes in Windows

  • WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
  • WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
  • WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
  • WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
  • WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
  • WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
  • WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
  • WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
  • WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened
  • WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
  • WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
  • WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!
  • WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
  • WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
  • WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
  • WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
  • WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
  • WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
  • WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
  • WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
  • WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one.
  • WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
  • WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software.
  • WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that.
  • WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
  • WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
  • WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
  • WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
  • WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
  • WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
  • WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
  • WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
  • WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
  • WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
  • WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.
  • WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has been deleted.

  • Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

    Donkey and Onion

    What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

    A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!

    #joke #short #animal #donkey #food #onion
    Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
    • Currently 2.20/10

    Rating: 2.2/10 (5)

    Why are some fish at the botto...

    Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
    Because they dropped out of school!

    Helen Lewis, Leith
    If you have a joke to share with us, e-mail: letters_

    The full article contains 38 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
    Page 1 of 1

    Joke | Source: - Joke of the day
    • Currently 4.00/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (2)


    A bereaved wido...


    A bereaved widow is at her husband's funeral. “We were married thirty- five years before he died.” She said, dabbing away the tears. “Never had an argument in all those years.”

    “Amazing,” said a woman next to her. “How did you do it?”

    “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”

    November Horoscopes

    Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
    • Currently 3.83/10

    Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

    Seen in ...

    Seen in real CVs:

    "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

    "I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

    "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

    "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

    "I was working for my mum until she decided to move."
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 October 2008
    • Currently 5.43/10

    Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

    A little boy walks up to the p...

    A little boy walks up to the preacher after church one day and says, "Preacher, when I grow up and get a job, I am going to give you a lot of money."

    The preacher says, "Why do you want to do that?"

    The boy replies, " Because my Daddy said that you are the poorest preacher he has ever heard."

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 July 2008
    • Currently 7.00/10

    Rating: 7.0/10 (7)

    At school one morning the teac...

    At school one morning the teacher asked little Johnny what he had for breakfast. Little Johnny said, well, on my way to school I come cross this Apple tree, so I climbed up there and started eating apples. I guess I eat about six, said little Johnny. No, said the teacher, it’s ate! Little Johnny said well it could've been eight I don't remember.
    #joke #fruit #apple #food #breakfast #eating
    Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
    • Currently 6.17/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

    A pastor was opening his mail...

    A pastor was opening his mail one morning and one envelope had only a single sheet of paper with a single word printed on it: “FOOL!” The following Sunday the priest announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their name. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter.”
    Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
    • Currently 7.70/10

    Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

    The Skydiving Instructor

    I went skydiving today for the first time.
    This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane.
    As we plummeted he said, "So how long have you been an instructor?"

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
    • Currently 8.08/10

    Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

    Harry and his neighbor Joe oft...

    Harry and his neighbor Joe often borrowed things from each other. One day, Harry asked to borrow Joe's ladder.
    Joe said, "Sorry Harry, I've lent it to my son."
    Remembering a saying that his grandma often used to tell him, Harry said, "Joe, you should never lend anything to your children because you'll never get it back."
    Joe replied, "Don't worry, it's not my ladder - it's my dad's."
    Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
    • Currently 8.00/10

    Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

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