Jokes of the day for Monday, 15 March 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 15 March 2021 |
A man walks up to the drugstor
A man walks up to the drugstore counter and asks for some condoms. The man behind the counter tells him to go see Edna in aisle 4.So the man finds Edna. Edna grabs him by the crotch, then gets on the PA system and says, "Medium condom. Medium condom."
The man is very embarrassed, but goes to the counter to get his condoms.
Later, a second man goes up to the counter to get some condoms. The druggist tells him to go see Edna in aisle 4.
Same thing happens, Edna grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, "Large condom, this man needs a large condom."
The man is quite pleased, and goes to pick up his condoms.
Next a teenager goes into the drugstore to buy some condoms for the very first time. He's told to go see Edna is aisle 4.
Edna grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, "Clean-up in aisle 4, clean-up in aisle 4."
The Perfect Poem...
I have a spelling checker,It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I cannot sea;
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please to no;
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
The day care teacher holds up
The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsy," one child answers."And this?" the teacher asks. "A piggy," replies another youngster."
And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence. "Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint".
What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot? "I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl.
"It's a horny bastard!"
Moral of the story
O n elephant and a mouse are walking together through the jungle when the elephant falls into a very large hole. The hole is so large that try as he might, the elephant is unable to climb out.So the mouse says, "Hang around, I'll get something to drag you out with" and leaves. A little while later the mouse returns driving a Porsche and with a rope tied to the bumper bar and he drags the elephant out of the hole.
The two friends continue their stroll through the jungle when all of a sudden, the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant immediately stands over the hole and squatting over it, lowers his penis so the mouse can grab it and lift himself out of the hole.
The moral of this story is that "If your dick is long enough you dont need a Porsche."
Circle of flies....
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.The farmer said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?' The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'
So the farmer says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'
The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?'
The farmer says, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.'
The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'
Juston McKinney: Stay Off My Wall
My wife is actually a little upset with me right now because I wont approve her as a friend on my Facebook. Im like, You got every wall in the house. Can I have one wall without you popping up on and ruining it? Stay off my wall. The Marriage of Miss Bad Breath and Mr. Smelly Feet
A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone. Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister.“I’m really concerned about this marriage,” the young man said.“Don’t you love her?” the pastor asked in surprise.“Of course,” the groom said. “But I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time.”The groom thought it over and decided it just might work.Meanwhile, the nervous bride had privately approached the minister’s wife. “I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day!”“Oh, dear,” the pastor’s wife replied,” everyone has bad breath in the morning. Don’t worry about it.”“No, you don’t understand,” the bride implored. “My morning breath is so awful, my fiancé won’t even want to be near me!”“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.”The bride thought it over and decided it just might work.In time, a beautiful wedding was held and the bride and groom enjoyed the day without once worrying about their secret problems. For several months they managed to keep their issues to themselves. They one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, afraid of what might happen if he didn’t find his sock soon. His bride woke with a start, and, without thinking, blurted out, “What in the world are you doing?”“Oh, dear!” the young man wailed. “You swallowed my sock!”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.Little Johnny was sitting in c...
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."
"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"
Friendship isn't about who you know
Friendship isn't about who you know the longest, it is about who walked in your life and said, “I'm here for you” and proved it. I just want someone who
I just want someone who won’t get annoyed when I text them six times or in all caps. Someone I can go on long drives with and can sing along to the radio with. Someone I can eat pizza with at 2am and kiss at 6pm. Someone who chooses me everyday and never thinks twice about it.
Earning His Stripes
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer looked into the distance and warmed to his task.
“Once, I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India,” he began: “I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly, the largest tiger I've ever seen in my life leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find my gun bearer had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
“Under those circumstances, sir, I think anyone would have done the same," the reporter said.
The old explorer replied: "No, not then -– just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'”
Five year old Little Johnny wa...
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
Two guys are out hiking. All o...
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second guy says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."
The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear."
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
Little Johnny was sitting in c...
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."
"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"
