Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 06 October 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 06 October 2021 |
Feeling lazy and depressed?
Feeling lazy and depressed? Tricycline. #joke #short
A blonde was driving down a hi
A blonde was driving down a highway and all of a sudden a cop sitting on the road side turns on his flashing red lights. The blonde seeing the red lights pulls over to the side of the road and waits for the cop.When the cop gets there he says to the blonde, "Lady you were doing 43 miles per hour in a 30 mile an hour zone."
The blonde says, "No I wasn't. The sign back there said 43."
To this the cop snaps back, "Lady, look ... that was a highway number sign, this is highway 43 and your doing 43 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone."
The blonde repeats her story again claiming she was not speeding. The cop scratches his head and returns to his car to ask his bald partner what he should do.
After telling his bald partner the story, his partner says, "Bill, you better give her a ticket. The 401 is just up ahead and then we'll never catch her."
Now That's A Dry Spell
Occasionally you hear about a really dry spell in Texas.
I always thought the stories exaggerated until I got a birthday card last week.
They attached the stamp with a staple.
Wake up call
A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he'd need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5 a.m."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he'd missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: "It's 5 a.m. Wake up.
How To Annoy Your Co-Workers
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly thesame outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. Thisis especially effective if your boss is a different gender thanyou.
3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer tothem only by these names. 'That's a good point, Sparky.''No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with youthere, Cha-cha.'
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling themexactly what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needsme, I'll be in the bathroom.'
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them asmuch since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When youemerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself atrandom the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tellpeople you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything,ask him or her if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engagingyourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to aco-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a littlesynchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it 'IN'.
13) Develope an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza,donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back towork complaining that they found none, lean back, pat yourstomach, and say, 'Oh you've got to be faster than that.'
15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Onceeveryone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch toespresso.
An Alabama preacher said to hi...
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
Mommy Mommy 13
Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
All right, you can take another slice.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.
Shut up and keep eating.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.
Shut up and stop squirming.
Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.
[Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup.
"Come upstairs, son, like a good boy."
"No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again."
Nuns Confessional
Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a manâs private parts. The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"
The nun replies, "My right hand."
The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Maryâs and all will be forgiven.
The second nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts."
The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"
The nun replies, "My left hand." The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Maryâs and all will be forgiven.
Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, "Would you mind if I went first?"
The third nun says, "Sure I don't care, but would mind telling me why?"
The fourth nun replies, "Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!"
Expanding universe
We live in an expanding universe.All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Two Old Drunks
Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, "Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands. By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."
A taxpayer received a strongly...
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice."Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
A fellow nurse at my hospital ...
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
my dad
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?"
asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?"
asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?"
asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Rabbits vs. Wolves
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of hungry wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket.
After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it, or should we stay here for a few days and out number them?"
