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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 21 December 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 21 December 2021

A man rushed into a bar and or

A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar.
The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket.
Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him.
Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 October 2021
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Also A Lawyer

What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer?
A father in law.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 September 2019
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

Drunk on a bus

A drunk gets on a transit bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the man is fumbling in his pockets for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus. Next stop, the same thing happens. Every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later the drunk exits the the bus from the front.

"Hey", shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"

The drunk, reeling, shouts back "And I'm not going to!..... I walked all the way!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 January 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

There are a lot of park benche

There are a lot of park benches in the seaty part of town.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 April 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

A professor of chemistry wante...

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
#joke #animal #worm #drinks #whiskey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 December 2009
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (66)

Do you know why Baskin Robbins...

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2011
  • Currently 2.61/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (44)

Kissing the secretary

One fine morning Dean came early into the office and caught his subordinate,Martin kissing his secretary.
Angered, Dean screamed: “Martin, do I pay you good salary for doing this?”
Martin: “No sir, I am doing this for free.”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 December 2013
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (39)

A lady goes to her priest one

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
#joke #animal #parrot #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 December 2019
  • Currently 8.89/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (37)

Blind date

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2016
  • Currently 8.93/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (30)

How to Produce Ugly Children

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your Mom.

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 July 2011
  • Currently 6.06/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (50)

Few Kids Jokes

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel.

-----

Q: Why A snail painted an S on the top of his car?

A: So people would say “Look at that S car go!”

-----

Knock knock! Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh--MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

-----

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the moo-vies!

found on http://girltomom.com/a-giggle/funny-jokes-for-little-kids

#joke #animal #snail #cow #fruit #banana
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 August 2019
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Alex was pulled over for speed...

Alex was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the drivers window and said, "Sir, may I see your drivers licenseand registration?" Alex said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI."
The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So Alex replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it."
The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said, "Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk."
The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup."
The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his drivers licenseand registration.
Alex said," Yes officer here it right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?"
Alex laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun.
The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. Alex agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body.
The second officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk."
Alex looks the officer in the eyes and says, "Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too."
#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 February 2019
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

29 Halloween Jokes to make you laugh hard

Halloween Q/A Jokes

1. Q: Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy?
A: They don't have the stomach for it.
2. Q: Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping?
A: On the web.
3. Q: Who's in charge of the candy corn?
A: The kernel.
4. Q: Why didn't anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula?
A: Because he’s a pain in the neck!
5. Q: What do birds give to trick or treaters?
A: Tweets.
6. Q: What do witches put on to go trick or treating?
A: Mas-scare-a.
7. Q: What did one piece of hard candy say to the other after it helped it escape from being eaten?
A: “Thanks! You're a real lifesaver.”
8. Q: What type of plants like Halloween the most?
A: Bam-Boo
9. Q: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A: Because they have no body to go with.
10. Q: What did the skeleton bring to the dinner party?
A: Spare-ribs.

Get more of holiday fun ideas at our Halloween Jokes.

11. Q: Why do skeletons love to drink milk?
A: It's good for the bones.
12. Q: What is a skeleton's favorite snack?
A: A cinnabone.
13. Q: What do you call a fat jack-o-lantern?
A: A plumpkin
14. Q: Who rules the pumpkin patch?
A: The pump-king.

Pumpkin Jokes are importan part of Halloween, but also part of many Thanksgiving Jokes.

15. Q: How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?
A: On vine-yl.
16. Q: What to ghosts add to their morning cereal?
A: Booberries
17. Q: What is a ghost's favorite kind of drink?
A: Ghoul-aid.
18. Q: What does a ghost put on his turkey?
A: Grave-y.
19. Q: What kind of cereal does a ghost have for breakfast?
A: Rice Creepies
20. Q: Where do ghosts shop for all of their meals?
A: The ghostery store.
21. Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To tell which witch is which.
22. Q: What do witches study in school?
A: Spelling.
23. Q: Why did the angry witch leave her broom at home?
A: She didn’t want to fly off the handle.
24. Q: Where do witches park?
A: In the broom closet.

Halloween Knock, Knock Jokes

25. Knock, Knock!
Who's there? Orange.
Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween.
26. Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who? Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
27. Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Al.
Al who? Al go home after trick-or-treating.
28. Knock, Knock!
Who's there? Witch.
Witch who? Witch one of you has the candy?

Halloween Statement Jokes

29. Did you hear about the gloomy jack-o'-lantern? It needed to lighten up.

#joke #halloween #thanksgiving #animal #bird #turkey #fruit #orange #food #breakfast #dinner #meal #rice #drinks #milk
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Passionate kiss like spider's...

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Man who drops watch in toilet bound to have crappy time.
#joke #food #hungry #sport #baseball
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 December 2016
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

An American, traveling on a tr...

An American, traveling on a train in Europe, met a Cuban tobacco grower, a Russian vodka distiller and a lawyer.
While they were talking business, the Cuban took out four cigars and passed them around. After lighting his own cigar, the Cuban took one drag and then threw it out the window, explaining that cigars were of no consequence in his country since there was such an abundance of them.
After dinner, the Russian passed out bottles of vodka. After taking just one swig, he threw the bottle out the window, explaining that vodka was of no consequence since, in Russia, it was so plentiful.
The American businessman sat in quiet contemplation for several minutes, then arose... and threw the lawyer out the window.
#joke #lawyer #food #dinner #drinks #vodka
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 May 2016
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

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