Jokes of the day for Sunday, 23 April 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 23 April 2023 |
Saint George and the Dragon
April 23rd is St. George’s Day, named after St. George, the patron saint of England.
A weary traveler in 18th century England, hungry and tired, approached a roadside inn with a sign that read: "Saint George and the Dragon."
He knocked on the door. The innkeeper's wife poked her head out of a window.
"Any chance for a bite to eat?" he inquired.
The woman eyed his ragged, filthy clothes and yelled, "No!"
"May I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she yelled back.
"Can I at least rest in your stable?"
"No!" she yelled once more.
The traveler tried again, "Could I kindly...?"
"What is it now?" the woman snapped, cutting him off.
"Would it be possible," he asked, "to have a chat with George?"
World Book and Copyright Day Joke
April 23rd is World Book and Copyright Day! Find a joke about it!
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do you have any books on how to create suspense?"
The librarian pauses for a moment, then says, "Yes, but I'm not going to tell you where they are!"
#worldbookandcopyrightday
The Old Nephew
My 7 year-old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans.
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but... look at the phones that kids your age are making in China!"
Hindu Happy Birthday
Q: What does a Hindu wish someone on their birthday?A: May you have many happy returns.
Was it a ghost?
There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!)
This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man softly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"
"Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.
So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.
Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think about that?"
The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast."
Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.
"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.
He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.
The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"
They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!
"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"
He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear.
The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"
Mommy Mommy 03
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!
Miracle whip
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?A: Miracle Whip.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Subway Party
Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.
One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.
When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.
"Where ya been?"
he slurred.
"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"
Terrible news
This guy was sitting in his attorney's office. His lawyer says: "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first," he says.
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars," his lawyer informs him.
"That's the bad news?" asks the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
20 Best dad jokes of all time
The funniest dad jokes ever told.
This 20 are voted as The best Dad jokes ever told but you can find also more Jokes for Father's Day to share with your father.
1. This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
3. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
4. I used to hate facial hair…
but then it grew on me.
5. Can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
6. Wife said are you ever going stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe…
7. Ah, this takes me back when
putting the car into reverse.
8. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y.
9. What do you call a magician who lost their magic?
Ian.
10. How do I look?
With your eyes.
11. Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
12. I'm afraid for the calendar.
Its days are numbered.
13. Wanna hear a joke about a pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
14. I used to be addicted to the hokey cokey,
but I turned myself around.
15. I am terrified of lifts.
I'm going to take steps to avoid them.
16. What did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner.
17. I used to be addicted to soap,
but I'm clean now.
18. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
19. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
20. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
17 new Thanksgiving jokes for 2020
Q: What happens when cranberries get sad?
A: They turn into blueberries.
Q: Why was the soup at Thanksgiving so pricey?
A: It had 24 carrots.
Q: What kind of 'tude is appropriate at the family dinner?
A: Gratitude.
Q: Why was the turkey put in jail?
A: The police suspected fowl play.
Q: What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish?
A: Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.
Q: Why did Mom's turkey seasoning taste a little off last year?
A: She ran out of thyme.
Q: What did the Pilgrim wear to dinner?
A: A (har)vest.
Q: What can you call your brother who falls asleep after dinner?
A: Your napkin.
Q: What did the salad say to the butter who kept making jokes?
A: You're on a roll.
Q: What's a running turkey called?
A: Fast food.
Q: Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving?
A: Your close group of Palgrims.
Q: Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner?
A: He was ready for a roast.
Q:On Thanksgiving, what does Dad have in common with an exhausted baseball player?
A: They're both likely to fall asleep between plates.
Q: What's one thing that you'll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving?
A: You'll both be filled with stuffing.
Q:How can you unlock the greatest Thanksgiving experience ever?
A: By making sure to bring the tur-key.
Q: With Coronavirus being a possible concern this year, what's likely to be the most popular side dish?
A: Masked potatoes.
Q: Why were the beans accused of being jealous of the other side dishes?
A: They were so green.
Word at funeral
A man is at his wife’s funeral and a woman asks him if she can say a word.
He says okay and she stands up, saying ‘Plethora’.
The man replies, ‘Thanks, that means a lot’.
by Reddit user u/DVPC4
Photo by Rhodi Alers de Lopez on Unsplash
