Jokes of the day for Monday, 08 May 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 08 May 2023 |
Few new jokes to make Monday more tolerable
Today I saw a burglar breaking into his own house.
Guess he was working from home.
What did the tree say to the new spring flower?
I'm rooting for you.
- Why don't flowers like to ride bicycles?
Because they keep losing their petals!
- What did one spring chicken say to the other?
You are eggcellent!
- What falls, but never needs a bandage?
The rain!
- Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
Yesterday, I watched our wedding video in reverse.
It was quite uplifting to see myself removing the ring from my wife's finger, exiting the church, and heading out for drinks with my closest buddies.
Tooth Decay
I use an extra sensitive toothpaste...
It doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.
Just Checking
A 5-year-old said grace at a family dinner one night. “Dear God, thank you for these pancakes.”When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken.He smiled and said, “I thought I’d see if he was paying attention tonight.”Marriage counselor
Husband to counselor: We were very happy for 22 years.Counselor: What happened?
Husband: We got married.
Counselor, turning to wife: Do you agree with your husband's assessment of your marriage?
Wife: Yes, the only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Witness the history of botched...
Witness the history of botched castrations at the Err in Spays Museum.Dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
Some people get lucky and kill...
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.Four legs
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Chuck Norris can speak braille...
Chuck Norris can speak braille.An Unusual Vet
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two
vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their
owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his
income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,
"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,
you get your dog back!"
A man is at the airport counter checking in his luggage...
A man is at the airport counter checking in his luggage. The man said to the agent, "I'm flying to Los Angeles but I would like this bag to go to Portland, this one to Albuquerque, and this one to Sioux Falls."
The agent looked suitably shocked and said, "Sir, there is no way we can do that."
"Why not?", replied the man, "You did it last time".
You Might Be A Redneck If ...
You might be a redneck if...Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
A husband returns home one nig...
A husband returns home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. "What are you doing?" he shouts. The wife turns to her lover and says, "I told you he was stupid!" April Fool's Day Prank - Swap hand sanitzer...
Swap hand sanitzer with personal lubricant. 
