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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 21 May 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 21 May 2023

What Do You Get When ...

What do you get when you cross a Buddhist and a Druid? Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 January 2023
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

The Spoon

A man and his wife were in a fancy resturant. While ordering, they noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket, and after looking around, they observed the other waiters and busboys each had a similar spoon. So the husband says, "what's with the spoon?"
The waiter said,"well, we had this company come in and evaluate our time management and they found that people drop their spoon 74.8% more often than any other utensil. So if we carry one with us, we can reduce the trips back to the kitchen by 3 hours per shift.
The husband was impressed. Sure enough, he dropped his spoon during dinner and the waiter replaced it with his, stating, "I'll just get another when I go to the kitchen for something else". While ordering dessert, the husband noted that the waiter had a very thin string hanging from the fly of his pants, as did the other waiters, so the husband asks, " hey, there's a string on your pants". The waiter tells him, " not all my customers are as observant as you... the same company found that we can reduce the amount of time spent in the bathroom by 2 hours each shift if we tie a string around the end of you-know-what, and when we have to go we just unzip and pull it out with the string completely eliminating the need to wash up and saving time." The husband was impressed, but asked, " it's a good idea but how do you get it back in your pants?".

Spoons


The waiter leaned close and whispered, " well I don't know about the rest of them, but personally I use the spoon."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 August 2021
  • Currently 6.07/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (15)

SLIDESHOW #14 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Lost At the Museum

A professor at a museum noticed his tomb exhibit was empty.
He walks by a little boy who is lost and crying.
He asked the boy what's wrong. "I want my mommy!" the boy sniffed.
The professor said, "I know how you feel, I want my mummy too!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 May 2020
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

Turn signal...

On a recent flight I was on, this elderly woman kept peering out the window.

Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing tip light.

Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 June 2017
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

To kill all the cows, you need...

To kill all the cows, you need moo clear weapons.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 May 2012
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (11)

According to Einstein's theory...

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 3.68/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (65)

The Cat and the Saus

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.

The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom for the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH - he fell in.

The moral of the story is: The Bigger the Sausage, The Wetter the Pussy!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 May 2012
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (64)

Give Bubba a Chance

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."

Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!"

Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a "One Question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.

The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"

There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 4.45/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (47)

First day at school

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 May 2017
  • Currently 8.86/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (44)

Ben Bailey: Restless Leg Syndrome

Restless leg syndrome. Cmon, what kind of horseshit is that? Its a syndrome? Restless leg syndrome? I have no idea what constitutes a syndrome, but its a hell of a lot more serious than some freakin wiggly legs.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (40)

Everyday someone tells me to exercise

So, I got a dog and named it 'Twenty Miles'. This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 January 2017
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

International Guide Dog Day joke

April 26th is International Guide Dog Day! Celebrate it with a joke:

Blind man walks into a store
He grabs his guide dog by the tail and lifts it into the air then spins it around his head.
The store clerk, alarmed by this strange behavior said , "can I help you?"
…. "Nope, I'm just looking around."

#GuideDogDay #InternationalGuideDogDay

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Cat Birthday

Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?

A: Mice cream and cake.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 March 2018
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

My Boss Won't Stop Flirting

My boss won't stop flirting with me.
It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Mainly because we're a family run business.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

A student comes to a young pro...

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam," she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..." He returns her gaze, "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens, "Anything?" "Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 October 2012
  • Currently 8.61/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (44)

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