Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 03 October 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 03 October 2023 |
Short Jokes, Long Laughs
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
19 and 20 had a fight...
21...
19 was injured, 22.
A young boy asked his father if he could try coffee
The dad said “sure son! Have a sip.”
The boy took a sip and immediately spit it out. “Yuck!” he said, “this tastes like dirt!”
“We’ll of course it does, son. It was ground this morning!”
I hate it when you're on the toilet and you notice there is no toilet paper left. Then you have to walk with your trousers round your ankles to get another roll… Anyway, I'm nearly at the Walmart now!
Worcestershire sauce incident joke
A truck brimming with Worcestershire sauce meanders through the quaint Welsh town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey, en route to Rhosllannerchrugog in Wrexham. Unexpectedly, it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
Veering uncontrollably, the truck subsequently smashes into a car from Llanfihangel Tre’r Beirdd, injuring two otorhinolaryngologists inside. As one, already grappling with Schistosomiasis, succumbs to a myocardial infarction, an bystander, dialing emergency services on his Huawei, hastily reports the chaotic scene. The dispatcher inquires, "Can you tell me what happened?"
He responds, "It's hard to say."
Whale
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" 
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Fairy tales...
When Chelsea Clinton was eight, Hillary was reading one of her favorite fairy tales.
"Mommy," asked Chelsea, "Do all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon a Time...?""
"No, dearest," replied Hillary, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight...'"
My wife and I went to the Coun...
My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ..... Smiled and said, "He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week".
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .......... You could learn a lot from him".
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,"That's once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one".
I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow".
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say I should eventually make a full recovery.
The Date
A man drives his date up to lovers lane and parks. "I have to be honest with you" the woman says as the guy makes his move."I`m a hooker".
The man thinks about this for a bit and decides he`s ok with it. He agrees to pay her $25 and they go at it.
After they finish, the guy says,
"Now I should be honest too. I`m a cab driver and its going to cost you $25 to get back to town".
A Republican and a Democrat we
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats.
Blonde quickies 13
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A labrador.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Alfred Robles: Engaged for 10 Months
My girl wants to change the engagement rules. She tells me, Babe, why do I got to wear a ring and let guys know Im taken, and you dont got to wear nothing? I told her, Babe, I wear my sad face every day.Heads or tails
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes for heads, and no for tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
DON’T YOU FRET
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Pet Store
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”
She paused and said, “Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”
National Hug a Plumber Day Jokes
It’s National Hug a Plumber Day on April 25! Find few sort jokes and one bit longer joke about Plumbers What do plumbers and teachers have in common?
They both gotta deal with little crap all day.
What does a plumber say in a library?
"Pipe Down!"
What vegetable do plumbers hate?
Leeks.
What do plumbers and economists have in common?
They both deal with gross domestic product.
Why was the plumber tired after a day's work?
Because the work had been too draining!
What is the similarity between a plumber and a bodybuilder?
They both like to pump irons!
When the plumber had a near-death experience, he almost saw his entire life flush before his eyes!
What do you call a plumber who has become super and has his own game?
Super Mario!
A plumber received a call from a woman, requesting his help with a leaky pipe in her apartment. When he arrived, he was pleasantly surprised to find that the woman was quite attractive and had a stunning figure. As the afternoon progressed, the two grew increasingly close and intimate.
Around 5:30 p.m., the phone rang, interrupting their passionate rendezvous. The woman answered the call and then informed the plumber, "That was my husband. He's on his way home, but he'll be heading back to the office around 8 p.m. If you come back then, we can continue where we left off."
The union plumber stared at the woman in disbelief and responded, "What? On my own time?"
