Jokes of the day for Saturday, 24 August 2024
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 24 August 2024 |
Frank Sinatra
A guy walked into the restroom at a restaurant in LA, and realized that the guy at the sink washing his hands was Frank Sinatra. He greeted Frank, and told him he was a huge fan. Frank smiled and thanked him. Then he told Frank he was with a date and wanted to impress her. Telling Frank his name was Bob, he asked Frank if he could come and greet him by name at his table. "No problem" said Frank and he went back to his table.About ten minutes later Frank walked up to the table and said, "Hey Bob, long time no see."
Without looking up, Bob said, "Fuck off Frankie, can't you see I'm busy?"
Shrinking Clothes
“Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”
“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”
Top ten signs your Amish teen is in trouble...
10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 a.m.9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full 'KISS' makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, 'Thou sucketh.'
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by 'Jeb Daddy.'
5. Defiantly says, 'If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap.'
4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
3. Uses slang expression, 'Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listening.'
2. Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese.
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabe
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
A doctor is complaining to a mechanic...
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
A blonde is swimming in a rive...
A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, "What are you doing in there?" She says, "I'm washing my clothes." The man asks, "Why don't you use a washing machine?" The blonde says, "I tried that, but it was too dizzy.
A housewife with three young c...
A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work.
When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, honey."
"Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"
Get Better Soon
I just got my boyfriend a 'get better soon' card.
He isn't sick, I just think he can get better.
A man is dining in a fancy res...
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies...
... "You just happened to catch my eye
Donald Glover: Gold Star Power
When you get called the n-word, as a black person you can do anything. Its like getting a gold star in Super Mario Brothers and junk. I hear the music when I hear the n-word. I get right into it; I get really into it. You can do anything. You could be in a fancy restaurant -- just start throwing poop at the walls. People be like, What are you doing? Someone called him the n-word. A little boy wanted $100.0...
A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.
True or false?
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
One day, a man came home and w...
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. 
