Jokes of the day for Saturday, 14 September 2024
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 14 September 2024 |
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of 21-year-old whiskey...
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of 21-year-old whiskey. He takes a sip, then immediately spits it out.
“I asked for a 21-year-old whiskey! This is only 18 years. I’m not paying for this! Bring me a 12-year-old cognac instead.”
The bartender complies, but again, the man spits it out.
“This is only 10 years old! I’m not paying for that either!”
Frustrated after several rounds of the same routine, the bartender pours another drink and says,
"This one’s on the house."
The man takes a sip, spits it out once more.
"This tastes like piss!"
The bartender sighs and replies,
"Alright, genius, now guess how old I am?"
The last word
Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were argument sometimes.
Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always 'Yes, Dear.'"
Chuck Norris once pulled out a...
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.Modern Science
Researchers say they've discovered a tree extract that couldhelp to prevent herpes...
.. Must be a rubber tree...
Shhhh!
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
John Mulaney: Benchwarmer Humiliation
I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants. The Husband Store – Still True
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor , where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth & sixth floors have never been visited.
Two bats
Two bats are going for their midnight feed.After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
Some short Labor Day Jokes
First Monday in September is Labor Day, enjoy Monday Off.
I had a joke about Labor Day...
unfortunately it didn’t work out
Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?
It really doesn’t work for me.
What’s a laborer’s favorite exercise?
“Work-outs!”
Have some jokes during 3 day weekend and check out some older Older Labor day jokes Read more on page:
Why do locksmiths work on Labor Day?Because they are key workers.
Why is it cheap to have zombie employees?
Because they don’t need a living wage.
What did the employee say at the end of the long weekend?
I guess it’s back to the grind!
What do you usually do on Labour Day?
As little as possible, just like every day!
Pretty normal
A woman went to see her psychiatrist. "I'm really concerned," she said. "The other day I found my daughter and the little boy next door together, naked, examining each other's bodies and giggling." The psychiatrist smiled. "That's nothing to worry about, it's pretty normal."
"Well, I don't know," said the woman, "It worries me. It worries my daughter's husband too."
Bee that lives in America
What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A USB.
Author:PM_ME_UR_VULVASAUR_I just want someone who
I just want someone who won’t get annoyed when I text them six times or in all caps. Someone I can go on long drives with and can sing along to the radio with. Someone I can eat pizza with at 2am and kiss at 6pm. Someone who chooses me everyday and never thinks twice about it.
