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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 29 January 2025

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 29 January 2025

Breaking Up

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married... I didn't want him to.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 January 2021
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

Two newlyweds...

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go."

"Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine (sea sickness medicine)."

The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."

"Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"

#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 February 2016
  • Currently 2.82/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (17)

And The Fairy Said….

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish. “Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.” said the wife.

The fairy moved her magic stick and – abracadabra! – two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said: “Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish… So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -abracadabra! – the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: “Fairies are female.”

#joke #wedding
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 January 2012
  • Currently 7.02/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (45)

Hillbilly at the hospital...

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.

Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 January 2009
  • Currently 7.93/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (41)

Making God Laugh

You know how to you make God laugh?
- Tell him your plans.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 January 2012
  • Currently 7.46/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (37)

Walking with a lantern...

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 January 2016
  • Currently 9.21/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (29)

American-Yiddish Dictionary

JEWBILATION - Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.
TORAHFIED - Inability to remember one's lines at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.
CHUTZPAPA - A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 AM so she can change the baby's diaper.
DISORIYENTA - When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
MISHPOCHAMARKS - The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.
ROSH HASHANANA - A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.
FEELAWFUL - Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.
KINDERSCHLEP - To transport other kids in your car besides yours.
OYVAYSMEAR - What one says when the cream cheese squeezes out of the bagel and falls on your clean pants.
JEWDO - A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.

#joke #animal #bat #food #cheese #eating #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 January 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (28)

I have loved. I have lost and I have changed

I have loved. I have lost and I have changed. It has been difficult but I have learned so much from it. I have learned that people can hurt you so deeply and not even worry about you. I learned that good people can change in a minute when their hearts have been broken. I've met great people, but mean people as well. But the most important thing I have learned is that every person in this world is strong enough to let go . People come and go and that’s life ! The most important thing is to stand up and realize that you deserve something better than a person that gives up on you.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 February 2016
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

The magician and the parrot

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"

#joke #animal #parrot
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 February 2017
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (29)

Technology

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear.
When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear.
The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a Fax," he explains

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 July 2014
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (6)

A farmer is sitting in the nei...

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
#joke #animal #cow #drinks #milk
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 November 2016
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

At a local coffee bar, a young...

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
#joke #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 May 2018
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

You know you have a drinking problem when

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name

...and you've never been to that bar before.

@galifianakisz's reputation precedes him.

http://on.cc.com/1AiZBXT

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 March 2015
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

Afraid of the Dark

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

#joke #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 October 2010
  • Currently 6.21/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (38)

Green Grape Says

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 June 2024
  • Currently 9.04/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (24)

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